


Fullmetal Glee Season 1

by Silverlilac07



Series: Fullmetal Glee [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 07:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4129693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverlilac07/pseuds/Silverlilac07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McKiney High School is a place where you can find anyone from gay to black to Jewish, etc, but being different couldn't be worse. Can a Roy Mustang bring together these ragtag group of teens and show them that it's okay to be yourself? It's funny how glee can bring so many different people together and create harmony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The cheerleaders, known as Cheerios, are practicing routines on the football field. They are being watched and timed by Olivier Armstrong, their coach. One of the cheerleaders falls from the top of the formation. Olivier raises the megaphone to her lips.

"You think this is hard?! Try being waterboarded. That's hard!"

* * *

Roy Mustang drives into the parking lot of William McKinley High School and parks his blue, clunky car. He opens the doors and approaches a dumpster where a group of jocks including Cain Patel, are surrounding Alphonse Elric.

"Making some new friends, Alphonse?" Roy asks as he stops momentarily.

"He sure is, Mr. Mustang" Cain replies with a smirk and an arm draped around Al's shoulders. Alphonse; however did not smile at all.

"Hey, Cain, you still owe me that report on que hace el verano pasado."

"What?"

"What you did last summer."

"Almost halfway done with almost all of it, Mr. Mustang."

Roy then smile and leaves towards the school.

"It's hammer time." Cain says as he turns back to Al. Two other jocks begin to pick up Alphonse.

"Please, this is from Marc Jacobs' new collection!" Al begins.

"Wait." Cain says suddenly. The jocks release Al, and he takes off his jacket and hands it to Cain.

"Okay." Cain finishes. The other jock toss Al into the dumpster.

* * *

Roy stands in front of a trophy display, admiring a first-place trophy that WMHS won at the 1993 Show Choir Championships, when he was in glee club. Next, he looks at a plaque awarded to LILIAN ADLER (1937-1997) with the quote "By its very definition, Glee is about opening yourself up to joy."

* * *

Roy is teaching Spanish in his classroom. Edward sits in the back, struggling to stay awake for the boring lesson.

"Como esta usted? Yo me llamo Guillermo." Roy begins. The class repeats, bored.

"Como esta usted? Yo me llamo Guillermo."

"Que lastima, hojala que se sienta mejor."

"Que lastima..." Edward mumbles through his boredom.

* * *

Ryan Henson and Cody Gino are singing "Where Is Love?" from Oliver! together in the choir room, as part of the glee club. Winry Rockbell watches from the shadows of the door with fire in her eyes.

Roy and Leon Dixon are standing in the teacher's lounge, around a coffee maker without a coffee pot.

"Where's the coffee pot?" Roy asks.

"Bradley got rid of it. Budget cuts. You know, I know for a fact that they are still getting hot java at Carver. We should strike."

Olivier enters with coffee drinks.

"Hello, boys. Who needs a pick-me-up?"

"Wow, lattes!" Leon drools.

"Yeah, I am a bit of a coffee snob." Olivier begins, placing the coffees on the table Now, the key to a perfect latte, is in the temperature of the steamed milk. I like mine scalding."

Riza Hawkeye enters the room.

"Hi Riza." Leon looks at Riza with longing in his eyes, but she pretends not to notice, as always.

"Hey Leon," She then turns to Roy, "Roy, Hi"

"Hey"

"What's with all the lattes?" She questions.

"Oh, Riza, I just felt so awful that Bradley cut the coffee budget to pay for a nutritionist for the Cheerios." Olivier began, taking a sip from her scalding coffee.

"Yeah, I heard you guys went, like, $600 over budget on that."

"My performers didn't get on Fox Sports Net last year because they ate at Bacon Junction." Olivier boasts.

"Since when are cheerleaders performers?" Riza retorts with a smile. Olivier just looks at her for a moment. Then replies.

"Your resentment is delicious. Well, I have a phoner in a couple of minutes. It's an interview on the telephone with a major media outlet. I'll probably do it on my iPhone. Enjoy."

"Thanks a lot Olivier!" Roy calls out as the woman leaves. Leon walks over and sits down across from Riza.

"I missed you at the, uh, singles mixer last weekend, Riza." He began.

"Yeah, I know. Big pipe exploded in my building. It was wild. I hate those mixer things though, I mean, it's like a big meat market. It's just, ugh. I did give my number to a fireman though. But he hasn't called."

"You know what, there's someone out there for everyone. I wouldn't even sweat it." Roy says as he sits down with the two.

"Hey, did you hear that Ryan Henson got fired?" Riza quickly changes the subject.

"Really? Well, who's going to take over Glee Club?" Roy asks.

"Don't know."

* * *

Principal Bradley and Roy are seated across from each other in Bradley's office.

"I'd like to take over Glee Club."

"You want to captain the Titanic, too?" Bradley replies.

"I think I can make it great again. There is no joy in these kids. They feel invisible. That's why every one of them has a MySpace page." Bradley then begins to plug in numbers into the calculator on his desk.

"60 bucks a month. That's what I need to keep this program up." Bradley says.

"And you-you expect me to pay it?"

"I'm certainly not going to pay for it. We're not talking about Cheerios here, Roy. They were on Fox Sports Net last year. " Bradley begins, as Roy sighs and leans back in his chair. "When Glee Club starts bringing that kind of prestige to the school again, you can have all the money you want. Until then, 60 bucks a month. And you've got to use the costumes and props you already have. But we need the stools for wood shop."

* * *

Roy unlocks his apartment door and walks in with a smile on his face.

"Honey," He calls out, "Honey, you're never gonna believe what I did today." He walks into the small crafts room where Diane sits with a glue gun in her hand.

"I decided to take over the glee club." Roy smiles, but Diane did reciprocate the smile. Roy and Diane lay in bed sleeping, well Diane was sleeping, Roy was wide awake.

(Roy voice over: Hiding the $60 a month from my wife, Diane, was going to be hard. But I had a bigger problem. How was I going to get these kids motivated? One thing I knew for sure, we needed a new name.) Roy sits up from his spot on the bed when it hit him.

"New Directions!"

* * *

The school bell rings and Alphonse Elric is seen passing through the hallway.

(Alphonse voice over: My name is Alphonse Elric, and I'm a sophomore at McKinley. my first day at school the principal got up in front of the whole freshmen class, and told us that the next four years were going to be the best days of our lives.) Alphonse is then shoved into the lockers by Ben Janko, one of the football jocks.

"Get out of the way Fag!"

(Al voice over: What a joke.)

"Sorry," Al began, "wouldn't want to make you late for remedial math!" Ben turns around and glares.

"What was that?" Alphonse's confidence immediately went out and he shied back.

"Nothing, I just said I was sorry." Ben pushes the books and folders that Al was holding, to the ground and laughs as he gives the materials a kick, and walks away.

(Al voice over: Another day, another cataclysmic humiliation) Two students pass by and gives Al's stuff another kick as he crouches down to pick it up.

(Al voice over: Everywhere I go I'm isolated and alone. I know my mom used to tell me how good it made her feel that I was such a happy kid, but honestly I don't remember what that would have even felt like. I feel like I could die tomorrow, and I don't think anyone would really care. I'm not sure anyone would even notice.) Alphonse walks by the counselor's office and a brochure catches his eye. He picks it up and looks at it for a second.

"Can I help you?" Alphonse turns around to find Ms. Hawkeye, the guidance counselor. He discreetly hides the pamphlet behind his back.

"Oh no, I'm sorry I just made a wrong turn."

"What's your name?"

"Alphonse Elric."

"Hi Alphonse, I'm Ms. Hawkeye, the guidance counselor." She holds out her hand for him to shake. He pushes the pamphlet back on the table and takes her hand with his.

"Are you new to this school?" She asks.

"I'm a sophomore."

"That's awkward, well if you ever need anything my door is always open." She then pulls out a small spray bottle and sprays her hand.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," She whispers as she counts how many times she prays her hand. She puts the bottle away and rub her hands together.

"Because feelings don't take vacations do they? They work on a 24 hour shift. I mean I don't. I'm only here during regular school hours, and I take vacation. i try not to eat into my sick days."

"It was nice to meeting you." Al quickly says as he walks away.

"It was nice meeting you." Riza calls out. She then turns back to her office and notices one pamphlet out of place. She slowly picks it up, and after reading the title imediatly turns back to the exiting Alphonse with deep concern in her eyes.

* * *

"What is that on your hands and your coveralls, what would you call that? Is that oil, is that grease?" Riza asks Van as they sit in her office. Riza had called both Van and Trisha down to the school.

"Well the shop would just call it grim." he replies.

"Grime, oh." Riza takes a few deep breathes.

"Look, we know why you called us down here." Trisha begins.

"Oh you do? Oh, oh dear is Alphonse acting strangely at home?"

"Yes, since he was two. Look we know he's a little bit different, but I also think it's a little early to be talking about it." Trisha says.

"Kids, they grow out of stuff all the time," Van begins, "When I was his age I was a Bangles fan, now I'm a browns fan all the way."

"No I'm sorry, I don't think we're taking about the same thing." Riza interjects, "I'm worried that Alphonse is depressed." Van just gives a light chuckle at the idea, while Trisha looks confused.

"No deeply, and I'm concerned about him. look, I walked in on him and he was reading this." Riza gives the two parents the pamphlet Al had been looking at in the hall. Trisha took it and was surprised to see the title 'Ending it All: Pros & Cons' Both van and Trisha looked at each other with great concern.

* * *

"What are we gonna do?" Trisha says as she walks into the kitchen and throws her purse on the counter.

"Calm down Trisha." Van says.

"Calm down?!" She starts pacing the floor, then looks back at Van.

"You don't think he would really do it, do you?" She desperately asks.

"I'm not sure at this point. He seemed okay to me, sure he was a little mellow and calm, and he didn't talk too much, but I thought that was just who he was."

"Maybe if he had some real friends. He's always couped up by himself down there in the basement. Or maybe he and Edward need to spend some more time together. Ever since junior high they have been almost like complete strangers. They're drifting."

"Ed does have a lot of friends, especially on the football field. Maybe if They spent more time together some of Ed's friends will spend more time with Al."

"That's it!" Trisha jumped, "Football."

"Trisha, Honey, Al doesn't play football."

"But he could, the point is that if he joins a club or sports team then he's bound to make at least one friend, right?"

* * *

Alphonse sits in his white, basement room with his sewing machine. Van walks down the steps and gently knocks on the wall. Al turns around to face his dad.

"Hey, what's up?" Van asks.

"Nothing."

"Your mom and I got called in to school by a guidance counselor today." Alphonse straightens up a little from the news.

"She told us some upsetting stuff."

"I'm fine dad. She's just overreacting."

"Look Al, I don't wanna talk about this anymore than you do, but you're all alone down here most of the time. You don't have any friends."

"You don't understand, school is very complicated for me."

" I was a teenager, I get the pressure of making friends. That's why I joined the football team. That's why your brother joined the football team."

"You want me to join the football team?"

"Look I'm not asking here Alphonse! This is an order! By the end of this week I want you on a team or I'm taking away the sewing machine!" Alphonse just sighed.

* * *

Alphonse walks through through the cafeteria with his tray, looking for a quiet place to sit. he spots an empty table and heads over, however the jocks arrive and stare him down until he picks up his tray and leaves. The only other table left was one that was covered in posters, and there was a blonde girl sitting in one chair working on one poster.

"May I sit here?" He asks the girl.

"Be careful with the posters, they take 20 minutes each to make." She states. Al places his tray on the empty spot on the table and sits down.

"I see you're in the speech club." He says, as he notices the poster she is currently working on.

"Speech Club, Renaissance Club, Muslim Students Club, Black Student Union, it's important for me to be immersed in all cultures, I'm an actress."

"Oh I know. I've seen your videos on Myspace, you're very talented." They girl looks back at him and smiles.

"I'm Winry Rockbell."

"Alphonse Elric. Perhaps I should join the speech club. My dad is making me join something, and to be honest with you I have also been toying around with a career in acting,"

"I'm not toying around with anything! The minute I graduate I'm going directly to Broadway and I'm never looking back. besides you can't join the speech club it's full."

"Oh." Winry looks up at Al.

"Can you carry a tune?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Because I don't know if you have heard the good news, but the glee club is starting up again. It was really awful when that perv Mr. Hanson was in charge, but Mr. Mustang is taking over now. he's the really cool Spanish teacher who looks like an old Justin Timberlake. When he was in the school and he was in glee club they won Nationals. Do you know how hard that is? I'm assuming that you are a contralto or a mezzo/soprano. We'll explore your vocal range tomorrow after school. I reserved the auditorium

* * *

Winry and Alphonse are standing by a black piano in the auditorium, when Winry presses play on her pink, portable, radio, and she begins to sing.

_(Popular - Broadway's Wicked)_

Winry:  _Whenever I see someone Less fortunate than I And let's face it, who isn't Less fortunate than I? My tender heart tends to start to bleed And when someone needs a makeover I simply have to take over I know, I know Exactly what they need And even in your case Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face Don't worry I'm determined to succeed Follow my lead And yes, indeed You Will Be..._

Both:  _Popular You're gonna be popular I'll teach you the proper poise When you talk to boys Little ways to flirt and flounce._

Winry:  _Ooh!_

Alphonse: _I'll show you what shoes to wear,_

Winry:  _How to fix your hair._

Both:  _Everything that really counts To be popular I'll help you be popular_

Winry:  _You'll hang with the right cohorts,_

Alphonse:  _You'll be good at sports._

Winry:  _Know the slang you've got to know,_

Both:  _So let's start 'cause you've got an awfully Long way to go._

Winry:  _Don't be offended by my frank analysis,_

Both:  _Think of it as personality dialysis._

Winry:  _Now that I've chosen to become a pal A sister and adviser,_

_Alphonse: There's nobody wiser,_

_Winry: Not when it comes to,_

Alphonse:  _Popular I know about popular And with an assist from me to be who you'll be,_

Both:  _Instead of dreary who you were,_

Alphonse:  _Well, are._

Both:  _There's nothing that can stop you From becoming popular._

Alphonse:  _Lar_

Both:  _La, la, la, la You'll be popular Just not quite as popular As me._

"That was incredible!" Alphonse began, "That is definitely the song we need to sing when we audition together."

"Together? I'm sorry Al, it doesn't work that way. When you look at the sky at night what do you see?"

"Um, the stars?"

"Exactly." She says as she gathers up her things, "Some shine brighter than others, but they all shine alone. I enjoyed singing with you today and look forward to doing it again, but when it come to auditions, it's every man for himself on this stage. Eat or be eaten." She then began to walk away, but paused and turned back to Al for a second.

"This is show choir."

* * *

The school bell rings and Alphonse quickly follows after a girl that just exited a classroom.

"Oh, um, hi, Uh, Miss Panninya Jones?"

"That's me." Panninya turned for a second to smile at Al, but then turned on her heels and began walking again.

"I'm Alphonse Elric." He said as he followed.

"Mm-hmm, Alphonse Elric, and what do you want? We're walking, we're talking."

"Well, I heard that you were a-a total star in your church choir and that you cracked a stained glass window when you hit a high note singing Jesus."

"Well, that's how you get the big man upstairs' attention."

"Well, I want to be just like you." Panninya immediately stopped and turned back to Al.

" Alphonse, you are you're adorable, but I just don't think that this pale, sexy, Keebler Elf look really fits in with my church choir. I mean, no offense."

"Oh, no, no, none taken, No, no, not a church. Uh, here, in the new Glee Club. Haven't you heard? Why wait for Sundays to be Aretha Franklin and Beyonce and Donna Summer when you can do it every day right here at William McKinley High School?"

"Miss Jones is listening."

"Well, I-I want to audition, but I'm a-a nobody, you know? You know, I don't know what song to sing, I don't know what to do with my hands when I'm singing, I don't know how to move all cool, like like you do, because because you're you, and, well, I'm-I'm I'm this...But inside, I'm-I'm more."

"Okay, I will tip: you have an incredibly loud sense of fashion Which, you know, respect, but I see the way that you slink around at this school."

"Mm-hmm."

"It's time for your attitude to match your outfits."

"I guess I just feel safer if I let all the clothes do the talking. In a way, it lets me feel invisible."

"Not anymore. I think I might know the perfect song for you."

* * *

Alphonse stood, once again on the auditorium stage, but this time he was faced with Roy Mustang.

"Hello, I'm Alphonse Elric and I'll be singing Mr. Cellophane."

(Mr. Cellophane - Broadway's Chicago)

Alphonse:  _Cellophane Should've been my name 'Cause you can look right through me Walk right by me And never know I'm there Never Even Know I'm there._

"Thank you. That was that was really nice." Was all Roy said.

* * *

Alphonse ran all the way home that day. He dashed into his father's auto shop.

"Hey, Dad! I did it!" He exclaimed as he stopped to catch his breath.

"Huh?" Van turned from the car in the shop to his youngest son.

"I joined a team."

"Hey, hey! All right! There we go, Al! Which one?" Edward stopped right outside the shop when he saw his brother and his dad talking. He leaned against the garage wall where they couldn't see him, and listened.

"The Glee Club." Al started.

"What's Glee Club?"

"It's amazing. We-we sing and we dance and it's full of inducing community-based activities."

"Look, uh, Alphonse, it's not like I got a problem with it." Van began. "I'm all for singing and dancing, but the point of this was for you to feel what it's like to bond over a shared goal."

"Well, Glee Club is-is kind of like that. At the end of the term, we-we perform at this big competition in front of an audience."

"Against other schools, you know? So it really is like a sports team?"

"Yeah, yeah, uh, kind of. Except with choreography and Beyonce."

"Who's Beyonce? She one of the girls on the team?"

"No, Dad, she's, like, the biggest pop star in the world."

"Oh."

"I mean, we-we could use a-a strong male lead, but I really think it's-it's gonna be something special."

"Okay, good. This is good. I still think it'd do you good to be part of a real sports team, but well, you seem happy."

"Honestly, Dad, I don't think I've ever been this genuinely excited to go to school.

Thanks for pushing me to do this."

"Thanks for showing up for yourself."

Suddenly a man called from across the garage. "Hey, Van!"

"Yeah, just a sec!" Van looked back to Al. "We good? I got to go deal with this."

"Yeah yeah, yeah, we're good." Van then walked off to the employees

" Okay, who needs me?" Alphonse smiled and turned to go back into the house. Edward stood in the same spot, absorbing everything that just happened. He then ran up to the house as well. He climbed down the basement stairs.

"Are you crazy!?" Edward began as he found Alphonse putting away some old cloth. Al turned to his brother and frowned.

"What?"

"Joining glee club? It's social suicide."

"It really doesn't have anything to do with you, okay?"

"Alphonse you're basically invisible at the school, people pass you by like you're a ghost. If you wanna bee noticed then join debate, a sports team, or run for class president. Don't ruin your life."

"What could you possibly know about my life!"

"I'm just trying to look out for you man."

"Thanks, but I can take care of myself. I'm joining glee club because it's the only thing that actually brought me a little bit of happiness since a started high school."

"Fine, but when your life comes crashing down, don't come crying to me!" Edward then flew back up the stairs and slammed the door.

* * *

Panninya is walking down the hallways of McKinley High.

(Panninya voice over: My name is Panninya Jones, and I don't have a lot of friends at this school. I mean, it's not like I get picked on, and folks are nice, I guess, but there sure are a lot of white folks here at McKinley. I mean, there is that one black kid, but he's real boring.)

"Hey Panninya." Says the black kid.

"Yeah, Hi." She replies and keeps walking.

(Panninya voice over: I'm a big star at my church, where everybody knows I got a big-ass voice, but here, I'm just a nobody, but that's all gonna change real soon because I heard they're jump-starting the singing club at McKinley, and Panninya Jones has decided to sign up.)

The bell rings and Winry is waiting outside of Panninya's classroom and catches her right as she exits.

"Excuse me, Panninya Jones? Hi, I'm Winry Rockbell. I saw that you signed up for the Glee Club. Me, too. I can tell by your sloppy signature that you have a very strong personality, and I can tell by the way that you hold your torso that you have a very strong diaphragm, which means that you're very talented. Which is good, because I'm very talented, too.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Winry. Guess I'll be seeing you in Glee Club."

"Here's the thing: we're both gonna be competing for the female lead, which I want us to see as a good thing. My dads always say: the person who's better than you, or maybe, in this case, maybe the person who's almost as good as you should be considered your best friend."

"Okay, let me just stop you right there, because I can see what it is you're trying to do. You're trying to get all in my head and make me nervous like Ike Turner so you can swoop down and get all the attention, but let me tell you something. I've been dealing with this kind of nonsense for the past three years in my church choir, and I overcame it and I'm over it."

"You go to one of those singing black churches. That's amazing."

"What? Okay, girl, I got to go to gym class." Panninya then began to walk away from the girl she thought was crazy.

"I'd really love to hear you sing one time!" She called out. Panninya stopped and turned back to Winry.

"Maybe I could come to your church." Winry suggested.

"Are you serious? You want to come to my church?"

* * *

Panninya is standing in a red church robe as the music starts laying. Winry sneaks into the church and takes her seat on one of the benches.

(I'm His Child - Zella Jackson Price)

Panninya: _I may not be the best at anything Or have the best of anything Sometimes I feel like I'm the least of all But I know someone who has everything And he's my everything And I'm happy just to know That I'm his child His name is Jesus The righteous son of God Lily of the valley Lily of the valley Bright and morning star Oh His name is Jesus Jesus He's my everything He's my everything I am happy just to know that I'm his child I may not be the best at anything Or have the best of anything Sometimes I feel like I'm the least of all But I know someone who has everything And he's my everything And I'm happy just to know I'm his child His name is Jesus Oh, his name is Jesus Righteous son of God He's the righteous son of God Lily of the valley Lily of the valley Bright and morning star Bright and morning star His name is Jesus Jesus He's my everything He's my everything I am happy just to know Happy just to know I am happy just to know Happy just to know That I'm his child._

Winry walked up to Panninya outside after church.

"I had no idea. I saw something so special today that I would not have seen had you not invited me."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that you invited you, but I'm glad that you felt something."

"I saw Panninya Jones, future R&B star. Your audience is gonna love you."

"Oh, so I hear what you're saying: my audience isn't your audience. I should've known."

"Should've known what?"

"Winry Rockbell, you are officially on notice. Wherever you think your voice can go, mine will be there, too.

* * *

Panninya strutted onto the auditorium stage.

"My name is Mercedes Jones and I'm singing…

(Respect - Aretha Franklin)

Panninya:  _R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, take care of TCB, Yeahhhhhhh!"_

* * *

The bell rang and a girl was sitting by her locker trying to stuff her books in it. one student decided to kick her book away, so she had to crawl after it.

(Lanfan voice over: My name is Lanfan Fu, and you don't care. I'm wildly unpopular, but I love being unpopular. I'm trying to be unpopular, because I am goth. Goths have no time for cliche bougie high school cliques. We are the anti-clique.) Lanfan closed her locker, got up from the ground and began walking through the hall. Cain walked by her.

"What's up, Wu-Tang witch? You ride a broomstick or a chop-a-stick?" He teased.

"Eat m-m." Lanfan began, but was cut off.

"D-Don't stutter. It's not n-nice." Cain laughed and walked off.

(Lanfan voice over: The joke's on you, Cain my stutter is fake. Not even Meryl Streep herself could fake a stutter for three and a half years. I could be a big, big star if I weren't so shy. I need to work on that. And I also need to stop talking to myself. Oh, shut up, Lanfan, everybody talks to themselves. Begone, jocks. Begone, cheerleaders. You have no power here. True power comes from 's why I embrace the avant-garde and the unwanted, including a boy in a wheelchair.) A boy in a wheelchair wheeled his way across the hall to Lanfan.

"What's shakin', bacon?" He smiled.

"N-n-nothing." Lanfan then grabbed the handles of the wheel chair and pushed the boy through the halls.

(Ling voice over: My name is Ling Yao, and I'm in love with Lanfan. She's not only sexy as hell, she also treats me like a real person. Almost everyone else around here looks at me like I have terminal cancer and can somehow spread it through my wheelchair, but Lanfan doesn't look at the chair. She looks at me. She jokes with me, argues with me, and I know it sounds lame, but sometimes she even touches my shoulder or my arm. It's nice, because that never happens to me. She's my best friend.)

"I love you." Ling whispered.

"W-w-what?"

"Nothing, Uh, let's go eat, woman."

* * *

Winry and Alphonse were covered with spaghetti and the whole cafeteria erupted in laughter.

"I can't believe you guys did it." Ling said as the two goths who dumped the food on the poor teens came back to sit at their table.

"Of course we did it, Autobot, because you dared us to and also because we don't give a what what." said the smaller, more feminine goth.

"Yeah, and besides, that Winry girl had it coming for making fun of my true form." Said the chunkier goth with the wolf tail.

(Flashback)

"Mr. Clarkson, his werewolf heritage is not a real ethnicity and I'm allergic to whatever roadkill he used to make his tail out of." Winry stated in class."

(Flashback over)

"Well, she shouldn't have ditched her other kin identity." Said Ling

"Quid pro quo, Lanfan Marie." Said the smaller goth.

"W-What does that even m-mean?" Lanfan asked.

"Well, Th-that means that it's your turn to accept a dare, and I can think of quite a few." It was then that Winry and Alphonse barged past their table and shot them evil glares on the way to the bathroom to clean themselves up.

"But I think the most fun of all would be I dare you and Wheels to sign up for the new Glee Club."

"Fine. Whatever. Who even cares?" Ling said.

"I sure d-don't."

* * *

_"_ L-L-Lanfan Fu, I K-K-Kissed a girl."

(I kissed A Girl - Katy Perry)

Lanfan:  _This was never the way I planned Not my intention I got so brave, drink in hand Lost my discretion It's not what I'm used to Just wanna try you on I'm curious for you Caught my attention I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry ChapStick I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right Don't mean I'm in love tonight I kissed a girl Just to try it I liked it._

"Wow." Roy said, as she finished.

"Th-Thanks." Lanfan then walked offstage to where Ling was.

"See if you can top that, Wheels."

"Damn, girl, you nailed it." Ling gave her a high five then rolled out on the stage.

"Uh, you are?"

"I'm ling Yao, and I'll be singing "Pony" by Ginuwine."

(Pony - Ginuwine)

Ling:  _I'm just a bachelor I'm looking for a partner Someone who knows how to ride Without even falling off Gotta be compatible Takes me to my limits Ooh, girl, when I break you off I promise that you won't want to get off If you want it Let's do it Ride it, my pony My saddle's waiting Come and jump on it If you want it Let's do it Ride it, my pony My saddle's waiting Come and jump on it Yeah._

"All right, Ling! That was, that was fun. Thank you." Ling smiled and rolled off stage.

"Ginuwine is a bad ass." Ling said when he reached Lanfan.

"Ling, that was r-really, really good. I had no idea."

"Really?"

"That's the best voice I have ever heard."

* * *

Winry approaches the sign-up sheet and writes down her name.

"Hi, my name is Winry Rockbell, and I'll be singing "On My Own" from the seminal Broadway classic Les Mis."

"Fantastic, let's hear it." Roy said.

(On My Own - Broadway's Les Miserables)

Winry:  _On my own, pretending he's beside me._

Winry applies a gold star sticker to the end of her name on the sign-up sheet

(Winry voice over: You might laugh because every time I sign my name, I put a gold star after it. But it's a metaphor and metaphors are important. My gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star.) As soon as Winry turns from the sign up sheet, Cain throws a red slushie in her face, and she just stands there trying to breathe.

* * *

Winry is walking down the hallway in a rush

(Winry voice over: And just so we're clear, I want to clear up that hateful rumor that I was the one who turned that closet case Ryan Henson in because he gave Cody Gino the solo I deserved. That's cockpoopie.)

Winry is sitting in Bradley's office crying.

"He was touching Cody, caressing him. It was so wrong!" Bradley hands her a tissue, and Winry dabs at her cheeks, smiling.

Winry is admiring a photo of two men on the door of her locker.

(Winry voice over: I am not homophobic. In fact, I have two gay dads. See, I was born out of love. My two dads screened potential surrogates based on beauty and IQ. Then they mixed their sperm together and used a turkey baster. To this day, we don't know which one is my real dad, which I think is pretty amazing.)

A young Winry is seen dancing wildly.

(Winry voice over: My dads spoiled me in the arts. I was given dance lessons, vocal lessons, anything to give me a competitive edge.)

Winry is in her bedroom looking at her laptop.

(Winry voice over: You might think that all the boys in school would totally want to tap this, but my MySpace schedule keeps me way too busy to date.)

Winry sets up a video recorder on a tripod and starts to sing.

(Winry voice over: I try to post a MySpace video every day, just to keep my talent alive and growing. Nowadays, being anonymous is worse than being poor. Fame is the most important thing in our culture now. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that no one's just gonna hand it to you.) Winry uploads her video.

(On My Own - Broadway's Les Miserables)

Winry:  _I love him, but every day I'm learning. All my life I've only been pretending._

Cheerios are watching Winry's video in the gym and laughing. They begin posting comments like, "If I were your parents, I would sell you back." "I'm going to scratch out my eyes." and "Please get sterilized." Winry reads the comments with sadness clear in her eyes.

Winry:  _Without me, his world will go on turning. A world that's full of happiness that I have never known.I love him, I love him, I love him, but only on my own._

"Very nice Winry." Roy says, as her audition ends. Winry smiles

"When do we start rehearsals?"

* * *

"Welcome, everybody! Can I just say what an awesome job you all did in your auditions. I was I was blown away." Roy says as he enters the choir room. Alphonse, Winry, Panninya, Lanfan, and Ling are all sitting in their chairs. Roy then grabs white gloves of the music stand as well as sheet music.

"Okay, so grab a pair of gloves and some sheet music." He hands them out to the teens.

"S-S-S" Lanfan begins.

"Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" by the legendary Frank Loesser. We did this at McKinley's Christmas concert my sophomore year, and we got a standing O. Ling, why don't you take the lead." Roy says.

"Yes!" Ling cheers. Winry throws her hand up.

"Mr. Mustang with all due respect, I'm the only member here who was in Mr. Hanson's original Glee Club; therefore, I should be getting the first solo."

"Say what?" Panninya starts. Winry looks over to her.

"It's the first song; it sets the precedent for everything."

"Winry, Ling's gonna sing the first solo, period." Roy states, "You and everyone else are gonna have plenty of opportunities for a solo; we'll all take turns. In fact, I was thinking for sectionals, we would do a medley from Grease. Who wants the Sandy part?" Both Winry and Panninya shot their arms in the air. Winry frowns.

"Is this even a discussion right now?! I'm the only person in this room who can play Sandy!" She exclaims.

"Why? Because you're white?" Panninya retorts.

"Okay, I wouldn't dream of being Mrs. Saigon or black Dorothy from the Wiz, but if we want to be taken seriously as a glee club, then it can't be about color or disability or whatever. It has to be about who has the best voice."

"Exactly. That would be me." Panninya boasts.

"Let's warm up." Roy says.

(Sit Down, You're Rockin' The Boat - Broadway's Guys & Dolls)

Ling w/backup:  _And I said to myself sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat. And I said to myself sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat. And the devil will drag you under with a soul so heavy you'd never float. Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat. Sit down you're rockin sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat. Sit down you're rockin sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat. Sit down you're rockin' the boat._

"We suck." Winry stated as they finished their terrible number.

"Uh, it… It'll get there. We-we just need to keep rehearsing." Roy says.

"Mr. Mustang do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to give the lead solo in "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" to a boy in a wheelchair?" Winry begins, again.

"I think Mr. Mustang is using irony to enhance the performance." Ling smiles.

"There is nothing ironic about show choir!" Winry exclaims and storms out.

"Winry...Winry!" Roy calls.

* * *

Back on the football team Olivier is yelling at her Cheerios. Winry is watching from the bleachers.

"That's sloppy! You're sloppy babies! It's just disgraceful! And I want the agony out of your eyes! Uh-uh, Lance, don't you start crying! You are the weak link, pal! How's it feel to be the weak link, huh?! That can't feel very good!" Olivier yells. Roy walks up the bleacher steps and sits down behind Winry.

"You changed out of your costume." He began.

"I'm tired of being laughed at."

"You're the best kid in there, Winry. That comes with a price." Winry turned around to face Roy.

"Look, I know I'm just a sophomore, but I can feel the clock ticking away, and I don't want to leave high school with nothing to show for it."

"You get great grades. You're a fantastic singer."

"Everybody hates me."

"And you think Glee Club is going to change that?"

"Being great at something is going to change it. Being a part of something special makes you special, right? I need a male lead who can keep up with me vocally."

"Maybe I can coach Ling a little."

"Look, Mr. Mustang, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but if you can't give me what I need, then I'm sorry. I'm not going to make a fool out of myself. I can't keep wasting my time with Glee. It hurts too much." Leon blows his whistle to get their attention

"Mustang! Bradley wants you!" He calls out.

* * *

In the principal's office Bradley is punching away at his calculator.

"But we just started rehearsals." Roy began

"My hands are tied, Roy. I need the auditorium. Alcoholics Anonymous wants to rent it out for their afternoon meetings. Lots of drunks in this town. They're paying me ten bucks a head."

"If we show at regionals, Glee stays; if not, the bar's open on the auditorium."

"What is it with you and this club? You've got only five kids–one of them's a cripple."

"Then I guess you've got nothing to worry about."

"Fine."

" Yes!"

"But you're running detention for free to make it up to me." Roy had to think about it for a second, but finally agreed.

"Deal."

* * *

Diane is at her job, sheets n' things, and is teaching Harry Kim how to fold a fitted sheet

"You put your hands in the corners like this. Okay?" She exclaims.

"I can't do it. I'm dyslexic. Maybe I should just stick to towels and washcloths."

"Harry, if you can't fold a fitted sheet, you cannot work at Sheets N' Things."

'P.A.: Associate to returns.'

"Go. Make sure they have a receipt." Diane then pushed Harry away as Roy shows up.

"Someone looks beautiful today." Hey says as he gives her a kiss.

"Hey. You look very handsome." She smiles.

"Thank you. I just thought I'd bring you roast beef on pumpernickel–your favorite." He says as he hands her the bag.

"Aw. Oh, but does it have mayo?"

"Yeah?"

"Roy, if my diabetes comes back, I can't get pregnant."

"I…"

"What is wrong with you?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to have to start working late for the next couple of months. I'm, uh, monitoring after-school detention."

"What?"

"I had to make a deal with Bradley so he wouldn't kill Glee Club."

"But Roy, I'm on my feet four hours a day three times a week here. Now I have to go home, and I have to cook dinner for myself?" Harry then comes back. He's holding a sheet with a large yellow stain.

"This lady wants to return these sheets, but… something tells me we've got another bed wetter." Diane sighs in frustration.

"Do you see what I have to deal with here?" She grabs the soiled sheets, and begins to leave.

"God, hasn't she ever heard of a diaper?" She says as she disappears into the store. Roy sighs and begins to leave as well. Until he hears a familiar voice. He peeks into the next isle to find Ryan Hanson speaking to one of the employees.

"Of course, towels have a thread count, Mister… Sheets N' Things. What do you do? I read catalogs. I know these things. Anything under a 400 thread count, and I could break out in impetigo. It's simple to understand." Ryan rants. Roy tries to sneak past Ryan without him seeing.

"Roy?"

"Ryan! Hey." The employee disappears to go find whatever ridiculous thing Ryan wants.

"Well, hello. How are things? I hear you have taken over Glee Club."

"Yeah. I… hope you're not too upset."

"Are you kidding? Getting out of that swirling eddy of despair: best thing that ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't easy at first. Being dismissed, and for what I was accused of. My long-distance girlfriend in Cleveland nearly broke up with me. Oh God, don't you love a good monkey?" He said as he picked up a monkey pillow. "Took me weeks to get over my nervous breakdown."

"Did they put you on medication?"

"Better: medical marijuana. It's genius. I just tell my Dr. Feelgood I'm having trouble sleeping, and he gives me all of it I want. I'm finding the whole system quite lucrative."

"You're a drug dealer?

"Oh, yeah… make five times more than when I was a teacher. I keep some for myself, and then I take money baths in the rest."

"Who-who do you sell it to?"

(Flashback)

Ryan gives Leon a packet of marijuana in exchange for money behind the bleachers.

(Flashback Over)

Ryan holds up a packet of marijuana labeled The Chronic Lady.

"You want in?" Ryan asks.

"Uh, no… I mean, I tried it once in college, but Diane and I are trying to get pregnant, so…" Ryan puts the packet into WILL's pocket.

"Do my own packaging, and the first sample is free."

"Ryan, no."

"Come on, you are the one who are coaching those tone-deaf acne factories. You're going to need it. The Sheets N' Things employee returns with a red fluffy toilet cover.

"This looks like barf. Okay? I have to do everything myself." Ryan says.

"Call me Roy," Ryan then walks away.

"Come on. What's the matter with you? This is terrible." He says to the employee as he leaves.

* * *

Olivier Armstrong is in her office, dusting her cheerleading trophies when Roy knocks on her door and looks in.

"Hey, Olivier. Can I have a sec?"

"Sure. Come on in."

* * *

Riza steps in a large wad of chewing gum. She freaks out and sits down on a nearby bench. Roy then approaches her.

"Hey, Riza, you got a second? What is that, gum?" Riza nervously nods.

* * *

"So, you want to talk to my Cheerios about joining Glee Club?" Olivier asks.

"Well, I need more kids - performers - and all the best ones are in the Cheerios, so I figured some of them might want to double up."

"Okay, so what you're doing right now is called blurring the lines. High school is a caste system. Kids fall into certain slots. Your jocks and your popular kids up in the penthouse. The invisible and the kids playing live-action out in the forest: bottom floor."

"And… where do the Glee kids lie?"

"Sub-basement."

* * *

Roy is trying to scrape the gum off Riza's shoe with one of his creditcards.

Olivier's not wrong, but I don't think anything is set in stone. I mean, you know, kids are going to do what they think is cool, which is not always who they are. You just need to find a way to get them out of their boxes."

"Well, how do I do that?"

"They follow the leader. You know, if you can get a couple of the popular kids to sign up, the rest will fall right in line."

* * *

Roy is jogging alongside Leon's golf cart.

"I just want to talk to them." Roy pants

"I don't know, dude. I can't see any of my guys wanting to join Glee Club. Last month, they held down one of their teammates, shaved off his eyebrows just because he watched Grey's Anatomy."

"Look, all I'm looking for is an introduction."

"Fine. You got to put a good word in for me with Riza."

* * *

Roy finishes scraping the gum off Riza's shoe.

"There you go, Cinderella." He smiles.

"Thank you. I have trouble with things like that. The, um… the… the messy things."

"Yeah."

"It's really nice how much you care about Glee, about the kids."

* * *

"If you really care about these kids, you'll leave well enough alone." Olivier begins, "Children like to know where they stand, so let your little Glee kids have their little club, but don't pretend that any of them are something they're not."

* * *

Leon is standing at the front of the Boy's Locker room with Roy. The football team is scattered around.

"Circle up!" Leon calls out "Mr. Mustang is going to talk to you. If you don't listen, you do laps. You mouth off, you do laps. Got it? They're all yours, Roy." Edward was in the back with Cain. He leaned against the lockers.

"Thanks Leon. Hey, guys, how you doing? Uh, I think I recognize some of you from Spanish class, but, uh, I'm… I'm here today to talk to you about something different: music. Glee Club needs guys." The guys snickered. Edward rolled his eyes and slammed his locker shut.

"I'm going to put the sign-up sheet at the door to the so if anyone wants to sign up, please… Thank you."

"Dismissed." Leon called.

"You been sleeping okay? Your eyes look a little bloodshot." Roy asked Leon.

"I got allergies." He lied.

"Okay. Thanks a lot." As soon as Roy left Leon pulled out his eye drops.

* * *

Roy was sitting in his living room with the sheet music. The vacuum cleaner was on nest to him. Diane walked into the room and turned it off. Roy looked up at her.

"I thought you were finishing up out here?" Diane began.

"I was just taking a little break."

"You just left the vacuum cleaner on so that I would think you were cleaning while you were goofing off with the sheet music." Roy sighed.

"There is a division of labor in this house Roy. You do the cooking and cleaning, and I will carry our children when we have them. Which might not be anytime soon because I'm sure this extra free work you're doing for the glee club is trying you out and making your sperm stressed."

"You're right, I am stressed, and I'm sure my sperm is stressed too."

"Mm-hmm."

"The Glee Club is one day old, and there's already in-fighting. Which is kind of my fault because i asked who wanted the first solo, and Winry and Panninya both raised their hands, and I don't want to disappoint either of them."

"Just give it to whichever one is the most pathetic. It's much harder to be jealous of someone when you think you're better than they are. Even if they get something that you want."

"I love it when you're all smart." Roy pulls her down to the couch and kisses her. Diane smiles, then her smile fades.

"I'm only gonna ask you this once, and then I promise I will never bring up the Glee Club again."

"Okay."

"Is it worth it? I mean, you know I'm a little bit psychic. I have a bad feeling about this."

"How could anything bad come out of a glee club?

"Because look how distracted you are by it already. What if you end up spending so much time with the glee kids that you start neglecting our time together? I don't want to become one of those ignored wives who has an affair."

"You are the love of my life, and nothing is ever gonna take you away from me."

"good."

* * *

Winry rushes down the hallway.

"How's the search for our male lead going? I took the initiative of making a list of potential candidates - based on their yearbook photos." She said as she shoved the yearbook in his face.

"Um, thanks, Winry, But I was actually headed to the locker room to see if, uh, any of the football players signed up."

"Great. I also made a list of all the reasons why I should be getting the first solo. I think it would make an important statement to the rest of the team if you told them right at the beginning that I'm the star." Right then a jock passed by and threw one large slushie right in her face. Roy was definitely surprised.

"Oh, my God. A-Are you okay?" He looked around and noticed everyone laughing at her.

"I told you. Everyone hates me." She said as she wiped the slushie from her face. She then ran off to clean herself in the bathroom.

Roy quickly headed to the boy's locker room to check the sign up sheet. The New Directions sign-up sheet had three names: Gaylord Weiner, Butt Lunch, and Penis. Roy just stares at the sheet, dismayed.

(Roy voice over: I honestly thought that was the end of the very brief fever dream that was "New Directions".) Then he heard something from the showers.

(I Can't Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon)

Edward:  _And even as I wonder I'm keeping you in sight._

Roy crept around the lockers over to the showers.

Edward:  _You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night._

Roy saw one of the football players singing in the shower by himself, and he was actually pretty good. He recognized him right away. Edward Elric, star quarterback of the McKinley High School football team.

Edward:  _And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might. And I can't fight this feeling anymore._

(Roy voice over: I suddenly realize why I wanted to do this thing in the first place.)

Edward: _I forgotten what I started fighting for._

(Roy voice over: It was seeing the gift in a kid that they didn't even know they had.)

Edward:  _And I can't fight this feeling anymore._

(Roy voice over: It was pure talent)

Edward:  _And if I have to crawl upon your floor, come crashing through your door, baby I can't fight this feeling anymore._

(Roy voice over: What I did then, was the blackest moment of my life.)

* * *

Edward sat in Roy's office as Roy pushed the small packet of marijuana that he got from Ryan over to Ed on the desk.

"You wanna tell me how long you've had a drug problem?" Roy asked.

"I don't even know who the Chronic Lady is!" Edward was freaking out.

"Look, if it were up to me, we wouldn't have mandatory bi-weekly afternoon locker checks."

"But I've never seen that before, Mr. Mustang, I swear. It's not mine. I'll pee in a cup. I'll pee."

"Look, it… it wouldn't make any difference. Possession is eight-tenths of the law. I'm pretty sure that much pot is a felony. Yeah. Look, you'll get kicked out of school. You'll lose your football scholarship."

"Wait… I had a football scholarship? To… to where?"

"You could land in prison, son."

"Oh my God. Please, don't tell my parents."

"Look, I see a lot of myself in you, Edward. I know what it's like to struggle to make good life choices, and I don't want to see you throw away everything you have to offer the world. I just expected more out of you, Ed.

(Edward voice over: That really got to me when Mr. Mustang said that, because every day of my life, I expect more out of myself. See, I might look confident and everything, but I really struggle with the same thing others kids do: peer pressure, bacne. My uncle, he died in Iraq when we were fighting Osama bin Laden the first time. My dad and me, we're real close, but my uncle, my mom's brother Conner, was really the guy I always looked up to. I remember before he left for the war. He taught me how to play drums. We would have these jam sessions together.

(Touchin', Lovin', Squeezin' - Journey)

Edward & Conner:  _You make me weep and I wanna die just when you said we'd try._

(Edward voice over: That was the first time I really heard music. Man, it set my soul on fire.)

(Flashback)

"You got a voice, buddy. Seriously, if I had that voice, my band would still be together. Stick with it." Conner smiled.

(Flashback Over)

(Edward voice over: My mom took it real hard when Conner died. It was at that moment I decided to do whatever it took to make my parents proud of me. To make them feel all their sacrifice was worth it.)

"We have two options here." Roy began, "I'm running detention now, so you can do six weeks after school, but that's gonna remain on your permanent record."

"What's the other option, Mr. Mustang?"

"Glee"

"What, no?! Please isn't there anything else?"

"What's so bad about glee?"

"You don't understand. The guys on my team will kill me. I'll be a laughing stock."

"Sorry Ed, you're gonna have to make a decision here. A scholarship, or juvy"

* * *

Roy ran into the choir room.

"Everybody up! We're moving to the auditorium."

"Alcoholics Anonymous has the auditorium." Ling states.

"Not anymore. Principal Bradley believes in us so much, he's giving it to us. For a while. Let's go, and grab a copy of "You're the One That I Want."

"Hold up, who gets to sing the Sandy part?" Panninya asks.

"Winry."

"Are you serious? I can blow the roof off that auditorium. Her little bitty Jewish voice won't make it past the third row."

"Racist! And untrue. I can belt just as good as you, better even."

"Oh, really? Well, let's prove it. Let's have a sing-off right here, right now."

"We're not having a sing-off! Although that's not a bad idea for a future exercise. Winry has this solo. Like I said, you'll all take turns."

"Except the white girl goes first. The white girl always goes first." Panninya pouts.

"Wait hold on." Alphonse interjects, "What about the part of Danny Zuko?"

"Well guys I'm glad to say that I was able to find that leading man."

"Who?"

"Please tell me this is a joke." Al said as he spotted his brother sitting on a chair on the auditorium stage.

"Yeah I'm not so thrilled about it myself." Ed murmured.

"Come on guys!" Roy began, "This will be great!"

(You're The One That I Want - Grease)

Edward: I got chills, they're multiplying.

Winry was stunned by Edward. Alphonse had to admit even he was a little surprised.

Edward: And I'm losing control. For the power you're supplying, it's electrifying.

Winry: You better shape up, cause I need a man.

Winry began dancing her way over to Ed while the rest sang harmonies. Ed was a little unnerved by it.

Winry: And my heart is set on you. You better shape up, you better understand. To my heart I must be true

Edward & Winry: Nothing left, nothing left for me to do. You're the one that I want. You are the one I want, Oo, oo, oo, honey. The one that I want. You are the one I want, Oo, oo, oo, hon-

"Oh, hell to the no. Look, I'm not down with this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyonce. I ain't no Kelly Rowland." Panninya exclaimed.

"Okay, look, Panninya, it's just one song." Roy said.

"And it's the first time we've been kind of good." Added Al.

"Okay, you're good, white boy. I'll give you that. But you better bring it. Let's run it again." She smiled.

"All right, let's do it. From the top."

* * *

Panninya sat on one of the benches in her church, sobbing. One of the ladies from her choir showed up and sat next to her.

"Hey." She said.

"I didn't get the solo. I lost it to that demented little Beanie Baby. Mr. Mustang is never gonna give me a solo. It's a waste of time; I'm gonna quit. Nobody in there is gonna see me the way that I see myself."

"Panninya, you are so young. Glee Club just started. Who knows what your future holds? Panninya, you are a star, but part of the responsibility that goes along with being a star is learning to share the spotlight. Maybe she's gonna get the solos because she needs it more than you do right is, Panninya, Winry will make you better. Her drive and ambition will help you raise your expectations of yourself, and you can use that to become great, and I have a feeling you two are gonna become great friends." Panninya scoffed at the idea of her and Winry being friends.

"Stars have a way of finding each other. Okay, come here." The woman holds Panninya for a while, while she sobs a little more.

* * *

Olivier is standing in Principal Bradley's office.

"There you go, Olivier." Bradley smiled, as he handed her a check, "Some principals would say that importing a rare silk trampoline mat from China is an extravagance, but not this principal. The Cheerios! Are McKinley High's number one priority."

"thank you so much, Principal Bradley. I could have never led my Cheerios! To a record five consecutive national championships without you." She then chuckled, " Actually, I could have done it very easily without you. Oh, uh, and that reminds me. I have a question for you."

"Hmm?"

"What exactly is going on with Roy Mustang taking over the show choir?"

"The Glee Club? Why, Olivier, that's nothing but a trifling."

"Well, I just want to be clear that the star performers at this high school are my Cheerios!, and I should hope it remains that way."

"Oh, Olivier, don't worry. You are my star. You are on Fox Sports Net."

"Yes."

"And besides, show choir won't last. Roy only has five students, one of them a cripple, and children these days aren't interested in singing to each other. They're too busy with their Friendster and Myspace and Blockbuster Video. These are things that are here to stay."

"Well, I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this Glee Club."

* * *

"You usually don't let me in your craft room." Roy says as he works on a puzzle with his wife.

"Isn't this fun? And challenging. Every Wednesday, we're gonna have puzzle night. Because I know how important it is for you to have a creative outlet." She says.

"You know, the kids have been working so hard. I was thinking about taking them on a field trip next Saturday. Carmel High's performing a showcase down in Akron. Now, Carmel's gonna be the team to beat at regionals. And I was wondering if you might want to come chaperon it with me."

"On Saturday? Oh, I can't. I had to pick up an extra shift at work, Roy. We're living paycheck to paycheck, you know."

"And how much of that paycheck goes to your Pottery Barn credit card?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Roy stands up and heads toward a closet.

"Don't go in the Christmas closet!" Roy opens up the closet, revealing things Diane has purchased without his knowledge.

"I was looking for my jacket the other day. We cannot afford this stuff, Diane."

"Oh, we could, Roy. Yes, I am a shoo-in to be promoted during the Christmas week at Sheets N' Things. You know, I reek of management potential. And they're hiring at H.W. Menken."

"My passion is teaching, Diane. For the last time, I don't want to be an accountant."

"Dr. Phil said that people could change. You know, it's not a bad thing to want a real life, Roy, and to have a glue gun that works! You know, it's really hard for me not having the things that I need."

"Oh! And you need three mahogany toilet brush holders?!"

"They're Balinese! It is not a bad thing to want things, Roy. You know, I understand your interest in these kids, Roy. I really do. Yeah. It's your way of recapturing your glory days. But I'm not the high school cheerleader anymore, and you are not the golden boy. High school's over… for both of us. It's time that you move on."

In the teacher's lounge Leon is staring at Riza while shredding papers. Riza is staring at Roy, who is putting up a sign-up sheet for chaperons. Once Roy leaves, Riza walks up to the sheet, and as soon as she sees what it's for, she cleans off the pencil and puts her name down.

* * *

Roy and Olivier are in the gym for their annual one on one basketball game.

"Come on, go! Okay, come on. Traveling."

" Hey, you know, because we're best friends, I want to ask you something frankly." Olivier says.

"Sure. Wait, I-I'm your best friend? I-I know nothing about you. We hardly even talk. We just play basketball once a week."

"Yeah, like I said, best friends. What are your intentions with this Glee Club?"

"Intentions? I don't know. I guess we'll have to find out. I don't know, I just I look around this school, I see all these kids who don't have the arts in their lives, and I want them to have what I had A place where they can go to experience the joy of music."

"Yeah, well, they already have that, Roy. It's called the iPod."

"I don't know, being a part of Glee Club was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Now you're a high school Spanish teacher. Roy, the students at this school aren't going to become performers. They're not gonna become professional singers or dancers or actors. They'll be fry cooks and auto mechanics. And it's really unfair of you to suggest anything otherwise. Fostering unrealistic dreams in these kids will accomplish absolutely nothing but to make their lives that much more dark and depressing."

"I'm sorry, Olivier. I just disagree. I mean, the arts are important. Certainly more important than cheerleading."

"How dare you." She whispers.

"And I think, with a little hard work, this Glee Club could really accomplish something. I got Edward Elric to sign up, and he's the captain of the football team, so who knows what our future could hold?"

"I'm gonna give you an ultimatum, Roy. You either drop this Glee Club, or you and I will cease to be friends."

"What? Are you serious?" He chuckles.

"You do not want to make an enemy out of Olivier Armstrong. You don't want to do that."

"Sorry, Olivier. No deal."

* * *

Out on the football field Cain is throwing footballs at another football player's head. He notices Leon yelling at Ed.

"You're the quarterback! No. I don't want to hear it. You make your decision. You're a football player, or you're a singer!" Edward walks by and Cain catches up to him.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"Oh. I just… I have to miss practice Saturday afternoon. It's, uh… it's my mom. I got to help her… cook and, uh, do things."

"Why?"

"She just had, uh, surgery."

"What kind of surgery?"

"Uh, well, she, um, had to have her prostate out."

"Man, that's a tough break."

"Yeah, it's, uh, engorged." On the other side of the field Olivier is screaming at her cheerios.

"You think this is hard? I'm living with hepatitis. That's hard!"

* * *

Leon enters the teacher's lounge and slaps away the book that Roy was reading.

"You stole my quarterback." Leon was not a happy man.

"Okay, look. Edward's got a great voice. He just wants to express himself."

"You're screwing up my life."

"Okay, Leon? You hate football. What's this really about?"

(Flashback)

In the school parking lot Riza is disinfecting the door handle of her car, when Leon approaches her.

"Hey, Riza. So, I got tickets to Monster Trucks this weekend. Luge tickets."

"No thanks. Not really my thing."

"Truckzilla versus Truckasaurus, and get this: the trucks breathe fire."

"Leon look, you know how every time you ask me out, I tell you that I'm on my period?"

"Which doesn't bother me."

"Or I'm suffering from cluster headaches, or I'm allergic to nighttime? Those things–not really true. I'm just not interested in dating you."

"How do I get you… into my hatchback?"

"Okay, Leon, fine, you know what, make me say it: I like somebody else. All right? Nothing I can do about it because they're unavailable, so I have to deal with that, but–" Leon, angered, licks his hand and rubs it all over Riza's car door handle, and she freaks.

(Flashback Over)

"You're right. I'm overreacting. The herd will take care of it." Leon continued.

"The herd?"

"The student body. The second someone tries to rise above - be different - the herd pulls them back in. So. Oh, and by the way, thanks for putting a good word in for me with Riza, buddy. I guess you just want her for yourself, huh? Adios, amigo." With that Leon leaves.

* * *

The Glee kids as well as Roy and Riza are at Carmell High to watch their competition for regionals. Winry and Edward are standing in line together.

"You're very talented." She begins.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I would know. I'm very talented, too. I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the hot male lead, and me, the stunning young ingenue everyone roots for."

"Well, I, uh, have a girlfriend."

"Really? Who?"

"Elle Armstrong."

"Cheerleader Elle Armstrong? The president of the Celibacy Club? Coach Armstrong's baby sister?"

"For almost four months now. She's cool. Mmm, I wonder if they have Sour Patch Kids." Winry and Edward move forward in line. Behind them are Roy and Riza.

"Those kielbasas look like they've been in there a while." Roy states.

"Do you want to go halvesies on a PB and J?" Riza asks.

"That sounds perfect."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let's go." The two walk out of line and sit down together.

"I haven't had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a really long time." Roy says.

"Really?"

"Yeah. My wife's allergic to nuts."

"Well, that's really sweet, though–not eating something because she can't."

"Oh, yeah."

"It's really nice. Oh, that's really noisy. But they're clean." She unwraps the sandwiches from the tinfoil.

"Oh, my gosh." Roy says as he enjoys the sandwich.

"How, um… How long have you two been married?" Riza asks.

"Mm, five years last March."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But we've been together since high school. I mean, she was my first girlfriend, actually."

"Was it love at first sight?"

"For me it was. I don't know. She used to be filled with so much joy."

"And now?" The lights flicker, signaling that the show is starting.

"Oh. Showtime. You don't want to hear about my marital problems."

"Oh, no, I do. I-I do. I mean, I-I'd love to hear. You… I mean, I'm not happy that you have marital problems, but people talk to me a lot 'cause I'm a guidance counselor."

"Okay, here's the thing. Diane rides me hard, and I've always appreciated it. I figure she just wants me to be better, you know? But lately, though, I keep asking myself, better at what? Making money? Being upwardly mobile? I don't know. I-I love her. Don't get me wrong. We just got to get back on the same page."

"Do you like the sandwich?"

"Oh my God, it's like the best I've ever had."

Roy, Riza, and the New Directions are seated together, about to watch Carmel High's glee club perform. Roy leans over to the others.

"Hey, guys, so this is supposed to be our competition, but, uh, I honestly don't think that they've got the talent that we've got. But let's be a good audience, all right? Give 'em some of that old McKinley High respect."

ANNOUNCER:  _Please give a warm Buckeye State welcome to last year's regional champions, Vocal Adrenaline!_

(Rehab - Amy Winehouse)

Vocal Adrenaline:  _They tried to make me go to rehab but I said, 'No, no, no. Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know. I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine. He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go, go, go. I'd rather be at home with ray. I ain't got seventy days, cause there's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me. That I can't learn from Mr Hathaway. I didn't get a lot in class, but I know it don't come in a shot glass. They tried to make me go to rehab but I said, 'No, no, no. Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know. I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine. He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go, go, go._

It is amazing. Everyone cheers. New Directions is stunned.

"We're d-d-doomed." Tina says.

* * *

Ed takes a walk outside to clear his mind. He walks past a group of Carmel High drummers. As he turns a corner he finds Cain and a few football players waiting for him with paintball guns.

"Chicks don't have prostates. I looked it up. You broke the rules, Ed, and for that, you must be punished." Edward slowly backs up, until he hits the wall and is cornered. The football players hold up their paintball guns and surround him.

"Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. You've got the power here, okay? You-you don't have to do this." Ed begins, holding his hands up in defense. The football players open fire, and cover him with paint balls.

* * *

Roy returns to his apartment and drags himself through the door. Diane is waiting for him with champagne, and a banner that reads "Congratulations" is hanging in the doorway.

"There's my baby." She smiles.

"Wow, honey. This is amazing. What-what's the congratulations for? The kids haven't won anything yet."

"I'm pregnant."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Diane, don't mess with me. Oh my God, this is amazing. We're going to be a family. Oh my God. Oh! Can't believe it."

* * *

Roy is breaking the bad news to the New Directions in the auditorium.

"You're leaving us? When?" Ling asks.

"Well, I've given my two weeks' notice, but I promise I'm gonna find you guys a great replacement before I go."

"Is this 'cause those Carmel kids were so good? Because we can work harder." Panninya states.

"This isn't fair, Mr. Mustang. We can't do this without you." Winry adds.

"So does that mean that I don't have to be in the club anymore or…?" Everyone turns to stare at Edward.

"This isn't about you guys. Being an adult is about having to make difficult choices. It's not like high school. Sometimes you have to give up the things that you love. One day you guys are going to grow up and understand that. I have loved being your teacher." After the teens leave, Roy begins to pack up his stuff. He picks up his guitar and starts singing.

(Leaving On A Jet Plane - John Denver)

Roy:  _All my bags are packed. I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin' It's early morn. The taxi's waitin' He's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die. So kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go. Now the time has come to leave you. One more time Let me kiss you. Then close your eyes I'll be on my way. Dream about the days to come. When I won't have to leave alone. About the times, I won't have to say. Oh, kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go, but, I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go._

Roy is sitting in his classroom as he finishes filling out his job application. Riza walks up to him.

"Need help grading those papers?" She asks.

"It's actually an application for H.W. Menken. They're hiring. Come on. Accounting is sexy... I'll miss you."

"Before you leave, can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah."

"I made an appointment for you tomorrow in the career center. You need some guidance."

"I'm having a kid, Riza. What I need is better benefits."

"Just come, Roy, for me."

* * *

In the school hallway Edward shuts his locker and finds Winry standing there.

"Didn't see you at Glee Club today." She says.

"Is that still happening?"

"I've taken over. I'm interim director, but I expect the position will become permanent." Elle walks over with her bestie Rose Thomas.

"Hi, Ed." She greets him sweetly, then glares at Winry.

"Hey." Ed replies.

"What are you doing talking to her?" Elle asks.

"Science project–we're partners." Winry says.

"Christ Crusaders tonight at 5, my house." Elle states.

"Sounds great." Elle and Rose then scurries off.

"Look, I-I should go. I can't do Glee anymore. It conflicts with…"

"Your reputation?" Winry starts, " You've really got something, Ed, and you're throwing it away."

"I-I'm going to be late."

"You can't keep worrying about what people think of you, Ed. You're better than all of them."

* * *

On the football field Ed and Cain are talking.

"What do you want me to do, apologize? That's not me, dude. Look, if I joined the flag team, you'd beat the crap out of me. I just don't understand why you did it." Cain starts.

"Mustang told me it'd give me enough extra credit to pass Spanish if I joined the club, okay? I… I didn't have a choice. If I failed another class, I'd be off the team. Look, it's over, okay? I quit. Anything else?"

"No, that's it. And as a welcome back to the world of the normal… I got you a present." Cain walks ahead, and Ed hears a sound.

"What's that noise?" Ed asks. Ling is trapped inside a portable toilet.

"Help, help! Help!"

Ed walks up to the group of portable toilets. Cain and other football players are standing nearby.

"What's going on?"

"We got that wheelchair kid inside. We're going to flip it." Cain says.

"Isn't that kind of dangerous?" Ed asks.

"He's already in a wheelchair. Come on, dude, we saved you the first roll."Ed shakes his head. He opens the portable toilet and pulls Ling out.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh my God, the smell."

"What the hell, dude? I can't believe you're helping out this loser." Cain turned back to him.

"Don't you get it, man? We're all losers–everyone in this school. Hell, everyone in this town. Out of all the kids who graduate, maybe half will go to college, and two will leave the state to do it. I'm not afraid of being called a loser 'cause I can accept that that's what I am. But I am afraid of turning my back on something that actually made me happy for the first time in my sorry life.

"So what? Are you quitting to join Homo Explosion?"

"No. I'm doing both. 'Cause you can't win without me and neither can they." Edward wheels Ling away. In the distance there is an Emerald Dreams employee spraying the football field green, singing Journey, and Edward just smiles.

* * *

(Winry voice over: The sun is not the biggest nor the brightest star in the sky. It's just the closest. There are bigger, brighter, better stars. That's what I am. I will be the biggest star of them all. Myspace is pretty much the greatest invention ever. It democratizes performance and lets anyone express themselves to a wide audience from the comfort of their own home. That's why I invested all of my Bat Mitzvah money in the company. Unfortunately, the Internet has also created the democratization of criticism. Now people can anonymously say things to me that they would never have the guts to say to my face. I am proud to say that I have grown numb to the cruelty, but none of it is going to happen if there's no Glee Club. Mr. Mustang's horrible wife told him that she's with child. Time's are tough, and he's gonna leave us for a high-paying job. That's the inciting incident. Glee Club is the cosmic explosion that will propel the hot balloon of light and gas that is my stardom towards Earth Specifically Midtown And without Roy Mustang, there's no Glee Club. There's no convincing him to change. If I want him to give up on this stupid accounting thing, I have to go talk directly to his boss.

* * *

Diane was sitting on one of the beds in the store she works at.

"I am very aware that it is the job off the assistant manager to stock the novelty sheets, Harry, but I am pregnant, and my doctor says I need to take it easy." She says.

"Are you on bed rest?" Harry asks.

"Oh, not officially, but I'm sure I will be soon enough, and even sooner, if you keep stressing me out by complaining that you can't do my job right now."

"No, no, no, I-I'm sorry. I'll-I'll just give up sleeping for a while to get it all done." Winry walks through the isles and stops right in front of Diane.

"Mrs. Mustang, I'm Winry Rockbell. I'm one of your husband's students, Glee Club specifically."

"I'm working."

"First of all, I just wanted to congratulate you on your new addition. I can tell that you already have the pregnancy glow."

"Oh. Thank you."

"Second of all, I just wanted to ask you to reconsider guilting your husband into quitting his job and becoming an accountant."

"Here's what I've learned in the years since I left high school. There's who you are, and there's who you think you are. And your level of personal misery is determined by how big the gap is between them. It's my job as a wife to help my husband see who he really is, rather than going after who he thinks he ought to be. That's how I keep him happy."

"But isn't the point of life to imagine yourself doing something greater, then working hard to achieve all of your dreams?"

"Yes, if it's realistic. See, I want a bigger house, and I want to decorate it with the entire catalog from Pottery Barn, and I can have those things. But not if I'm gonna let Will ruin it by chasing after a dream that doesn't change our lives in any measurable way. "

"Oh, but he would be helping Mainly me To achieve my full potential."

"That's not gonna help Mama buy . and pillows from the monogram shop."

"Mrs. Mustang, I am begging you to reconsider. Mr. Mustang listens to you."

"Yes, because he's my husband. And it is my job to bring structure to our family, and his job to do as I say." With that she was gone. Harry moved one of the pillows so he could see Winry through the isle.

"I always wanted to be in an all-male a Capella group. I guess my dream is dead, too." He says. Winry walks away a little uncomfortable.

* * *

Winry and the rest of New Directions are arguing in the auditorium when Edward wheels Ling in.

"Look, you guys, these steps are not hard. I've been doing them since preschool." Winry stated.

"I'm sorry, did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you." Al retorted.

"I know what I'm talking about. I won my first dance competition when I was three months old." Al notices Ed and Ling coming back.

"This is a closed rehearsal." He says.

Ed sighs, "Look, I owe you guys an apology. I never should have quit. I don't want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people."

"That was you?" Winry asks.

"So why should we let you back in?" Penninya asks.

"Look, that isn't who I am, and I'm tired of it. This is what I want to be doing, with you guys. I used to think that this was like, the lamest thing on Earth, and maybe it is, but… we're all here for the same reason–'cause we want to be good at something. Ling, you play guitar, right? Think you could recruit the jazz band?"

"I do have pull there."

"All right. Panninya, we need new costumes, and they have to be cool. Can you do that?"

"Damn, don't you see what I got on?" She smiles.

"Winry, you can do choreography. Lanfan, what are you good at?"

"I-I…"

"We'll figure something out for you."

"And what are you bringing to the table, Justin Timberlake?" Panninya asks.

"I've got the music." Ed smiles.

* * *

Alphonse and Panninya are at a coffee shop.

"First the almighty Finn Hudson joins Glee Club, and everyone rejoices like he's baby Jesus. Then he quits, then he rejoins, then he immediately starts bossing us around like we're his slaves, and we're supposed to be happy about that?" Al starts.

"We need him though, Al." She replies.

"Why? Because he's popular?"

"No, he's not only popular. He's at the top of the damn McKinley High food chain. But I don't know Maybe he needs us, too."

"That's rich. I'm just saying that I don't trust him."

"Isn't he like your brother?"

"Yeah well were not as close as you might think. Look he already gets everything that he wants. What is he doing barging into our club and taking it over? Mark my words, he's gonna get some jocks and some Cheerios! To join him, and then we are gonna get pushed out."

"Oh, no. Nobody pushes out Panninya Jones or Alphonse Elric. I will not allow it. No, sir. You know, now that I think about it, he was pretty bossy today. I cannot believe he convinced me to make our costumes."

"Oh, by the way, if you need help with that, I'm more than happy to pitch in. You can't go wrong with red and denim."

"How did you become so smart and adorable?"

" I mean, it's obvious that Winry's only letting him stay in the club because she has a fat crush on him."

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe having Edward around is a mistake. I'm gonna call an emergency meeting."

Alphonse, Panninya, Lanfan, and Ling have now all gathered in the choir room.

* * *

"And another thing he wants us to do "Don't Stop Believin'. Our audience is gonna think we're doing a salute to The Sopranos finale." Al said. Winry then barges in.

"You guys started without me?"

"Uh, hell yeah, Rockbell, you're, like, ten minutes late." Panninya says.

"You're lucky that I came at all and I don't think that we should be having emergency meetings without all of our members, including Ed."

"That's what this is about." Al begins. "We're having second thoughts about him."

"For the record, not all of us are." Ling interrupts. Winry ignores him.

"Okay, we can't kick him out. I just personally persuaded him to come back."

"Then personally persuade him to quit. It shouldn't be that difficult. He's already quit once before. Look, it's obvious that Artie and I don't fit your idea of a proper leading man. And honestly I don't care, but he shouldn't be an evil jock."

"I don't think that Edward is evil. Now, his girlfriend, Elle Armstrong? She's a grade-A bitch." Panninya states.

"Hey, all I know is that when the jocks locked me in that nasty Porta-Potty, Ed rescued me. Then, after rehearsal, he wheeled me home. He wheeled me all the way home, and he told my mom what happened and he apologized to her. So, he's not evil. Not by a long shot." Winry smiles.

"Maybe he's not that different than us." She starts, "Maybe he just wants to be accepted for who he is and not for what people label him as. And if we start excluding people, then we're no different than the people who exclude us. So far, my time at McKinley has sucked. But not this week. I made some friends. And that's always been really hard for me. I don't know what's gonna happen with this club, but maybe it'll be something special. Maybe it'll be somewhere safe where we can learn from each other and be who we are, including people who are different than us. When we look back on our time here, we should be proud. For what we did and-and who we included. All in favor of keeping Finn in the Glee Club? Aye.

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Aye."

Everyone looks over to Alphonse. "Come on Al," Winry begins, " Look I know you two aren't exactly the perfect pair of siblings, but at least you guys are spending time with each other, now that you're in the same club. You can't seriously stay mad at each other forever." Everyone keeps staring him down until he finally rolls his eyes and raises his hand.

"Aye." They all cheer and Al can't help but smile just a little.

* * *

Riza stands in Bradley's office, furious.

"For the last time, my hands are tied. I can't offer Roy Mustang a raise to run a club that no one cares about and has only six members!" Bradly exclaims.

"Fine, then we're gonna lose Roy Mustang, and it's gonna be under your leadership that McKinley High becomes the most recent in a very long line of public schools that offer no performing arts whatsoever!"

"And that's a fact that wounds me deeply, neurotic, adorable Guidance Counselor Riza Hawkeye." I can't offer Roy Mustang more money, but I can offer him something better. A precious adolescent memory. I scoured McKinley's archives and found this footage of the 1993 National Show Choir Championship featuring a young, nubile Roy Mustang.

* * *

Roy and Riza sitting together at a table in the teacher's lounge.

"I want to show you something." Riza began, "I did a little research… and this is a tape I found in the library of the '93 team at nationals." Riza plays the tape for Roy, and he smiles.

"Do you know who that is? That's you, Roy. That's you happier than I've ever seen you."

"That was the greatest moment of my life."

"Why?"

"Because I loved what I was doing. I knew before we were halfway through with that number that we were going to win. Being a part of that, in that moment, I knew who I was in the world. And the only time I've felt that way since then was when Diane told me I was going to be a father. No. No, I need to provide for my family."

"But provide what exactly? The understanding that money is the most important thing? Or the idea that the only life worth living is one that you're really passionate about?"

Roy walks out of the teacher's lounge and into the hall.

"Congratulations, buddy. I just heard the great news." Olivier says as she passes by him.

"Oh, thanks. Yeah. Diane and I are really excited. We've been talking about kids for a while."

"No, not that news. Knocking somebody up isn't difficult and hardly merits a congratulations. No, I'm talking about your other news, your leaving the profession of teaching. Oh, uh You know, to be honest with you, teaching is for losers. Nope, accounting is the career for you. Oh, hey, I got you a going away present. An abacus. Yeah, the Orientals say it's easier than a calculator, which is an obvious lie designed to make us feel inferior. Oh, and here's five years worth of receipts in no particular order. You'll be happy to know that your first ever client is way behind on her taxes. And there's an awful lot of bikini waxes in there you're gonna have to somehow turn into charitable contributions.

Olivier walks off and leaves Roy alone in the hall. He starts walking away, but stops when he hears the music coming from the auditorium. He turns and goes to investigate.

(Don't Stop Believin' - Journey)

Edward:  _Just a small-town girl Living in a lonely world She took the midnight train Going anywhere._

Winry:  _Just a city boy Born and raised in South Detroit He took the midnight train Going anywhere._

All:  _Da, dum_

Edward:  _A singer in a smoky room._

Winry:  _A smell of wine and cheap perfume._

Ed & Win:  _For a smile, they can share the night It goes on And on and on and on Strangers waiting._

All:  _Da, dum._

Ed & Win:  _Up and down the boulevard Their shadows searching In the night._

All:  _Da, dum._

Ed & Win:  _Streetlight people._

All:  _Da, dum._

Ed & Win:  _Living just to find emotion Hiding somewhere In the night._

Winry:  _Working hard to get my fill Everybody wants a thrill._

Ed & Win:  _Paying anything to roll the dice Just one more time. Some will win, some will lose Some were born to sing the blues Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on And on and on._

**(electric guitar solo playing by Ling)**

All:  _Don't stop believin' Hold on to that feeling Streetlight people Oh Don't stop believin' Hold on to that feeling Streetlight people Oh don't stop._

Roy watches them perform. Olivier, Elle, and Rose watch from the rafters, and Cain from one of the exits. When they're finished Roy applaudes and smiles.

"Good, guys. It's a nine. We need a ten. Winry, you need to hit the ones and the fives. Ed, I think if we worked on it, you could hit a high "B."

"So does this mean you're staying?" Ed asks.

"It would kill me to see you win nationals without me."

Everyone smiles and cheers.

"From the top."

**END**


	2. Showmance

Roy pulls into the school parking lot in his car. His license plate reads "glee." He exits the car and walks toward the school. Winry approaches and walks alongside him.]

"Mr. Mustang!" Winry calls out.

"Yeah?"

"I went to the library and I got some sheet music, and I wanted to run some songs by you that feature me heavily on lead vocal."

"Thanks, Winry, but I already got one picked out."

Edward appears at Winry's side, reaching out to wheel her schoolbag for her. Roy falls behind.

"Let me help you with that." Ed says.

"Thanks, Ed. You're so chivalrous."

"Thanks. That's a good thing, right?"

Roy moves to walk alongside Panninya, Ling, and Lanfan.

"Morning, guys." Roy says.

"Hey, Mr. Mustang." Panninya greets, "We're just learning some runs."

"Oh, yeah?'

"So it goes- AHAhahah" Panninya sings.

"AHAhahah." Roy, Ling, and Lanfan copy.

"With the finger, huh?" Roy laughs.

"Pretty fly for a white guy." Panninya says.

"Oh, thank you, thank you. Hey, don't be late for rehearsal this afternoon."

"Okay."

"All right."

Roy separates from the three and continues walking toward the school. Cain, Alphonse, and five male students in letterman jackets are standing in front of the dumpster. Cain has his arm around Al.

"Morning, Alphonse." Roy greets.

"Buenos nachos, Mr. Mustang." Cain smirks. Al watches Roy pass with apprehension. chuckling Roy replies.

"Hey! Let's go Titans."

"Yeah." Cain replies as Mustang disapears. He then turns back to Al.

"Come on."

"Wait!" Al stops them for a second and throws his bag into the arms of a jock. He then glares at them all.

"One day, you will all work for me." Cain and another student lift Al and toss him into the dumpster.

Roy walks down the hall and turns to wave and smile at the students. Riza stands at the top of the stairs, looking at her watch before rounding the corner. She approaches Roy as he walks toward her with his head down, and they collide.

"Oh!" Roy gasps as they collide.

"Oh, Roy! Oh, gosh."

"Hey, Riza"

"Hi."

"Hey. I wanted to thank you so much for the advice you gave me the other day. I mean, teaching here and coaching Glee Club – It's where I belong."

"Oh, it's no problem. I mean, it's what I do. You know, I give counsel and give guidance. I'm a guidance counselor."

"Yeah, you are."

"Oh, look. We match. Periwinkle." She points to their outfits and notices how they match in color.

"Yeah." Roy and Elle appear at the top of the stairs and walk by. Rose rolls her eyes.

"Get a room."

"Ms. Armstrong wants to see you in her office, Mr. Mustang." Elle added, "she doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"You got it."

* * *

The school bell rings, and Roy opens the door to Olivier's office.

"Hey, Olivier. You want to see me?"

"Hey, buddy. Come on in." Olivier, dismounting the elliptical she had been using, wipes her face with a towel.

"I just blasted my hammies." She groans.

"Oh."

"Iron tablet?" Olivier tosses a bottle of pills to Roy

"Uh-"

"Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating."

"I don't menstruate."

"Yeah? Neither do I. So, I had a little chat with Principle Bradley and he said that if your group doesn't place at regionals, he's cutting the program, Ouch."

"You know, you don't have to worry about Glee Club. We're gonna be fine."

"Really? 'Cause I was at the local library, where I read Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics, and I came across this little page-turner." Olivier walks over to her desk and retrieves a book, displaying the cover to Roy.

"Show Choir Rule Book." She begins, "And it turns out, you need 12 kids to qualify for regionals. Last time I looked, you only had five and a half. Here." She hands Roy the book.

"Cripple in the wheelchair" She says, explaining her earlier comment. "I also took the liberty of highlighting some special ed classes for you. Maybe you could find some recruits." Olivier hands Roy a slip of paper and picks up a pair of hand weights. She lifts them into the air repeatedly while continuing the conversation.

"Cause I'm not sure there's anybody else who's gonna wanna swim over to your island of misfit toys."

"Are you threatening me, Olivier?"

"Threatening you? Oh, no, no, no. Presenting you with an opportunity to compromise yourself? You betcha." She sets the weights down.

"Let's break it down. You want to be creative. You want to be in the spotlight. Face it. You want to be me." Roy stifles a chuckle.

"So here's the deal." She continues, "You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother. Euthanize it. It's time. And then I'll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant on Cheerios. You can fetch me Gatorade and launder my soiled delicates. It'll be very rewarding work for you."

"You know what, Olivier? I politely decline your offer. Glee Club is here to stay. I believe in my kids. I know you're used to be the cock of the walk around here."

"Offensive."

"But it looks like your Cheerios are gonna have some competition. We're gonna show at regionals. You have my word on that." Roy tosses the pills back to Olivier and opens the door.

"Have a good day." He smiles. Roy exits, and Olivier smiles to herself.

* * *

The bell rings. Elle and Edward are having a conversation as Ed retrieves books from his locker. Winry is at her own locker a few feet from them, facing away. She angles a small mirror in her hand to watch the exchange behind her.

"We are in line to be the most popular kids in the school over the next couple years." Elle begins.

"Yeah, I know."

"Prom king and queen. Homecoming court royalty. I am not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself."

"Look, you're making too big a deal out of this." Winry closes her mirror and settles for listening intently.

"Okay. Let's compromise. If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast."

"Under the shirt?"

"Over the bra." Ed pauses, momentarily conflicted.

"No. No, I can't. I want to do Glee. I'm really happy when I'm performing."

"People think you're gay now, Ed. And you know what that makes me? Your big gay beard."

"Look. I- I gotta go to class. Okay? Just relax. Everything's gonna work out." Ed closes his locker and leaves. Elle looks over to Winry.

"Eavesdrop much? Time for some girl talk, man hands. You can dance with him. You can sing with him. But you will never have him."

"I understand why you'd be threatened. Ed and I have made a connection. But I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man. I have plenty of suitors of my own. Every day Glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it." Winry turns to walk away and two slushies are promptly thrown in her face. Cain and another jock, the culprits, high five each other as they walk away.

"Awesome." Cain says.

"Holla!" The other jock calls.

* * *

The Glee Club is singing and dancing in the choir room. Roy critiques them as they perform.

(Le Freak - Chic)

All:  _Ah, freak out. Le freak, c'est chic_

"Energy, guys!"

All:  _Freak out._

"It's disco."

All:  _Le freak, c'est chic. Ah, freak out._

"Good with the hands. John Travolta hands. All right."

All:  _Le freak, c'est chic. Freak it out._

"We're freaking out. Let's go."

All:  _Freak out. Le freak, c'est chic_

"And up and out and down. Good.

All:  _Have you heard, About the new dance craze?_

"Good, Good, guys."

All:  _Listen to us I'm sure you'll be amazed. Big fun._

Winry kicks out her leg while dancing, coming uncomfortably close to Panninya's face.

"Whoa, whoa! Hell to the nah!" Panninya stops, "First of all, you try to bust my face again, and I will cut you!" She then turns to Roy.

"And, also, this song is terrible."

"No, no, no. It's not the song. You guys just need to get into it." Roy says.

"No, it's the song." Al interjects, "It's really gay."

"We need modern music, Mr. Mustang." Ling suggests.

"I'm sorry, guys. We don't have time to discuss this. We're doing this song this Friday at the pep assembly."

"In front of the whole school?" Lanfan aska.

"Exactly." Roy says, mistaking her outburst for excitment.

"They're gonna throw food at us. And I just had a facial." Al starts.

"I'll press charges if that happens." Says Winry.

"Guys. I can't express to you how important this assembly is." Roy begins. Edward appears terrified. Winry looks at him with concern. The rest of the club are visibly upset.

"We need recruits. There are six of you. We need twelve to qualify for regionals. We have no choice or the club is over. I know you guys don't like this song, but we took nationals back in '93 with "Freak Out." It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me. From the top."

"I'm dead." Ed simply state. Winry continues to look concerned as the rest of the club move away.

* * *

Roy and Diane are seated in the living room of a house they would like to buy. A realtor stands before them with a small-scale model of the house.

(Roy voice over: My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I'm not sure what he meant by that since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with Mom."

"Welcome to your little slice of the American dream." The realtor smiles.

"I have a question about the trees." Diane begins, "it's always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees will we have in the backyard? And do they come in different colors? Because, well, obviously we're expecting a family. And I have a real sense it might be a girl." As Diane chatters on, Roy becomes more uneasy.

(Roy voice over: Still, I can't believe we're actually doing this. It all happened so fast.)

(Flashback)

Roy and Diane are seated at the table with Diane's sister, Kelly, and her husband. Kelly's three sons are running around the table, screaming continuously and causing damage.

(Roy voice over) It all started when Diane's sister Kelly brought her kids over for Sunday brunch.

"Well, I just don't understand where you're planning on putting the nursery." Kelly starts.

"I know." Diane says.

"Well, we have a second bedroom." Roy begins, but Kelly cuts him off.

"You are not giving up your craft room, Diane. A mother needs her respite. That craft room is the only thing that's gonna keep you from going all Susan Smith on that little angel." She then turns to Roy.

"Postpartum runs in our family." Kelly's husband rises from his seat.

"Where are you going?" Kelly asks.

"Bathroom. All that bran." He replies nervously.

"No, you can't. Kyle needs his inhaler." He sits back down, looking dejected. Roy lets out a scream over the noise and ends it with a laugh. He is overwhelmed by the screaming boys.

"Anyway," Kelly begins again, "this conversation is over. They're starting construction on a new section of our subdivision." Diane gasps.

"You are not bringing my niece or nephew home to this apartment. When pigs fly." Kelly's husband turns to her.

"Can I eat this?" Roy lets his fork drop to his plate in frustration. The screaming persists.

The realtor leads Diane and Rot through the house.

"This banister was made by Ecuadorean children." The realtor states, and Diane gasps in excitement.

"It's great, Diane, but there are nine foreclosures on our street. Why can't we buy one of those? They're half the price."

"I'm not raising my baby in a used house. They're not clean." They enter the kitchen and Diane gasps.

"Look at the sun nook. Isn't it beautiful?"

"Is it extra?" Roy asks.

"Mm. The price in the brochure is for the basic model. Everything else is à la carte. The grand foyer is an extra 14,000, and the sun nook is an extra 24." Roy sighs at the price.

"I'll let you two talk."

"Thank you." Diane says.

"Thank you." Roy turns to Diane after the realtor leaves. "Hmm. We can't afford this."

"We already did the math, Roy. All we have to do is give up Applebee's and we won't run the A.C. for the first couple of summers."

"Well, we certainly can't afford the grand foyer and the sun nook. I mean, if we bite off more than we can chew, we'll lose everything. You need to pick one."

"Come with me. I'm gonna show you something really special."

Roy and Diane are standing in the doorway of a bedroom decorated for a little girl.

"This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep. I thought maybe we could put one of those mini pianos in here and you two could put on shows for me."

"I love it, Diane, but we still can't afford everything." Diane sighs.

"It's my very own Sophie's choice." She turns to Roy. "Fine. I'm gonna give up the sun nook for the grand foyer. But I really need the polished door handles." Roy sighs and looks away.

"Think of our family, Roy. This is our dream."

(Roy voice over: I knew in that moment that I would do whatever it took, even if it meant getting a part-time job to make some extra money to make that dream come true.)

"Let's go sign those papers." He says as he places a kiss on Diane's forehead.

"Yes!"

* * *

In the choir room Alphonse and Panninya are talking swiftly to themselves. Winry is sitting behind Ed in the stands, looking at him with longing.

"You need to call me before you dress yourself." Al said to Panninya.

"Whatever. Whatever." She replies.

"You look like a Technicolor zebra."

"You're a hater. That's what you are."

"I look like I'm a part of it."

"You're trying to copy me."

"It looks like I planned it."

"You know what, if your hair was longer, you'd have curls." Roy enters the room.

"All right, guys. How about a little Kanye?" Roy begins to hand out sheet music. Several students gasp in excitement.

"For the assembly?" Panninya asks.

"No." Roy replies, "We won't be ready in time. We're still doing disco. But we can fold this into our repertoire and it'll be awesome at regionals. Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're gonna succeed, we need to communicate. You guys said you wanted modern music, I listened."

"Mr. Mustand, we'd really like to not do disco at the assembly." Ling says.

"Edward, you're gonna take the solo." Roy says, ignoring Ling. Winry smiles at Ed. Ed looks at Roy fearfully.

"What? No, I- I can't do the solo, Mr. Mustang. I'm still learning how to walk and sing at the same time."

"No problem. I'll walk you through it." Roy smirks.

"Ooh!" The others coo.

"Challenge." Panninya Smiles.

"Hey, Panninya. You know this?" Roy asks.

"Oh, I got this."

(Gold Digger - Kanye West)

Panninya:  _She take my money when I'm in need, yeah, she's a trifflin' friend, indeed. Oh, she's a gold digger way over town. That digs on me._

[The glee club continues to sing in the background as the scene cuts to Diane, and Kelly's family discussing their interior design plans.]

All:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger._

All:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke._

All:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger._

[The sene cuts back to the choir room with the glee club.]

All:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke._

All:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head, get down._

All:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head, get down._

All:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head, get down._

All:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head._

Ling:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _Cutie da bomb met her at a beauty salon._

Ling:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _With a baby Louis Vuitton, under her underarm, she said I can tell you rock,_

Ling:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _I can tell by your charm._

Ling:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _Far as girls you got a flock I can tell by your charm and your arm._

Ling:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _But I'm lookin' for the one. Have you seen her?_

Ling:  _I gotta leave._

All:  _No, we ain't seen her! She give my money._

Roy:  _Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger._

All:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke_

All:  _She give my money._

Roy:  _Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger._

All:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head, get down._

All:  _I gotta leave. Get down, oh, oh, oh._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head, get down._

All:  _I gotta leave. Get down, oh, oh, oh._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head, get down._

All:  _I gotta leave. Get down, oh, oh, oh._

Roy:  _Get down, girl, go 'head._

Panninya:  _She give my money._

Roy:  _18 years, 18 years._

Panninya:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _She got one of yo' kids, got you for 18 years._

Panninya:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids._

Panninya:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _His baby mama car crib is bigger than his. You will see him on TV, any given Sunday._

Panninya:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _Win the Super Bowl, and drive off in a Hyundai. She was supposed to buy ya shorty Tyco with ya money._

Panninya:  _I gotta leave._

Roy:  _She went to the doctor got lipo with ya money._

Panninya:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _She walkin' around lookin' like Michael with ya money._

Panninya:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _Shoulda' got that insured, Geico for ya money._

Panninya:  _She give me money._

Roy:  _If you ain't no crook._

Panninya:  _When I'm in need._

Roy:  _Holla' we want pre-nup._

All:  _We want pre-nup! Yeah!_

The musical number comes to an end, and everyone laughs.

"All right, just like that. Ready?"

* * *

In the girls bathroom Riza steps out of a stall, gingerly holding her hands in the air as she approaches the sinks. Someone can be heard coughing and retching, so Riza goes to investigate. She opens the stall to find Winry on her knees, hunched over the toilet.

"Winry, did you just throw up?"

"No."

"You missed the toilet."

"The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex."

"One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift. Let's have a little chat, okay?"

Riza and Winry are now back at the the counselor's office. Riza hands Winry a pamphlet titled "So You Like Throwing Up: Understanding and Overcoming Bulimia." Riza peers out into the corridor and waves to Roy. She then clears her throat and looks back to Winry.

"Winry, bulimia is a very messy, serious disease."

"I don't have bulimia. I tried it and failed and won't ever attempt it again."

"Okay.-"

"It grossed me out."

"Okay. But I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out."

"I want to be thinner. Prettier, like that Elle girl."

"Mm-hm. And, um, why is that?"

"Have you ever liked someone so much you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?"

"No." Riza's eyes flicker to Roy in the hallway.

(Flashback)

Riza sits in her car, crying. It is raining heavily outside.

(All By Myself - Eric Carmen) plays on the radio, and Riza sings along.

Riza: All by my (crying) By myself. I'm by myself. Don't want to be.

(Flashback Over)

"Uh, but a boy crush, huh?" Riza continues, "I know about that. I mean, not now. It takes me back in the- Like a long time ago, I knew about that. You know what? You need to remember, Winry, to protect your heart. I don't care who he is. If he doesn't like you for the way you are, if he's- You know, he's married with a baby on the way- That's not worth the heartache. You don't want to compromise yourself for that. Um- (clears throat) Have you just tried telling him how you feel?"

"He doesn't even notice me."

"I see. Um- okay. Well, here's what I think. Common interests are the key to romance. All right? So find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way and maybe you'll end up doing something that you never would have expected." Winry nods and smiles hopefully.

* * *

Winry and Edward are sitting in front of Bradley's desk. Olivier and Roy stand on opposite sides of the room.

"Would you like to tell Principal Bradley and Mr. Mustang what I caught you two doing?" Olivier begins.

"It just sort of happened." Ed starts. Winry leans over in her chair.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I think she's overreacting." She says.

"You watch your tone, young lady." Olivier turns back to Bradley, "Gay parents encourage rebellion. There are studies on this."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Roy interrupts, "All right, tell me what happened, Winry."

"Ed was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his chromosomally challenge friends. I was immediately concerned by his lack of self-esteem and made a creative preemptive strike."

"Yeah, pretty much what she said." Ed added.

(Flashback)

Winry and Edward are sitting at the table, working on a flyer for Glee.

"You know," Winry starts, "one of the amazing things about being in the performing arts is that you can parlay it into so many different fields. Like Justin Timberlake- He's a singer, but he also has a clothing line. And, you know, he makes things like shirts and belts."

"Who's Justin Timberlake?" Ed asks. The two were gluing pictures of different stars on the poster and it said 'Guess who started in glee club? your road to stardom stars here! New Directions!'

(Winry voice over: It was a twofold plan.)

Winry and Edward were making copies of their flyer in the copy room.

(Winry voice over: We figured that with the right marketing strategy, we could pull from the entire student body without having an assembly, thus creating the diverse Glee Club this school has been craving.) Olivier steps into the room. When she realizes what they are doing, she drops her protein shake on the floor.

(Flashback Over)

"That copy machine is for Cheerios use only. Paid for by alumni donations. I can't begin to fathom the damage you'd have done to the program had you broken it.) Olivier Exclaimed.

"Hold on a second, Olivier." Roy begins.

"I resent being told to hold on to anything, Roy. I will not be treated like a second-class citizen because of my gender. There is a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies, and you seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students." She turns to Bradley, "It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled."

"How many copies did you guys make?" Roy asks.

"Seventeen." Olivier replies.

"Okay. And how much does a photocopy cost?"

"Four and a half cents." Says Bradley.

"How about they just pay for the copies?"

"I like this compromise." Bradley begins, "Children, pay Ms. Armstrong, and we'll let you off with a warning. And Olivier, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to personally clean the congealed protein shake off the photocopy room floor"

"That's why we have janitors." Olivier starts.

"Olivier, we're in a recession, and concessions must be made. I've laid off half the janitorial staff. We all need to lend a hand." Winry, Edward, and Roy nod. Olivier scowls.

"Lady Justice wept today." She extends her hand to Ed and Winry in expectation of payment. Roy, Winry, and Ed leave Bradley's office into the hall.

"I'm sorry about that Mr. Mustang." Ed begins.

"I'd like to get the flyers up before lunch tomorrow." Winry says. Roy stops and turns around.

"You know what, guys? I don't want to hear it."

"Doing that song is gonna kill any chance the Glee Club has. It's a terrible idea." Winry complains.

"I have news for you, Winry. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. We're doing the assembly and you're not putting up those flyers. Everybody loves disco!" Roy starts down the hall. Edward stands in place almost frozen.

"It's official. I'm a dead man."

"Look, I know you're nervous, but you're really, really talented." Edward blushes slightly.

"Stop it."

"I mean, maybe it'll all be okay. Do you want to practice for the assembly tomorrow after school?"

"I can't. I got a Celibacy Club meeting." Ed walks away, and Winry watches him leave.

* * *

Roy and Diane are sitting together in the bathtub, Diane's back pressed to Roy's chest.

"Baby, I have some bad news." Roy starts.

"A wealthy relative died?"

"I don't have any wealthy relatives."

"Oh."

"I've just been pounding the pavement all week after Glee rehearsal. I- I can't find any extra work. That probably means no grand foyer."

"Why can't we ever be the ones to catch a break?"

"No, no, no. It's gonna be okay, baby. I mean, we don't need a grand foyer to be happy."

"No. You know what? I'm so tired of the compromising. I want my grand foyer. I want my dream house. I work hard. I sacrifice. I deserve it."

Diane steps out of the tub and begins pulling on her robe.

"You know, we give and we give. Do you think that the big shots at Sheets N' Things care that I sell more personal massagers than any other assistant manager? No. Or do you think that those kids- that they give a damn that we go with so little because you spend all your spare time choreographing those stupid dance routines? I mean, when does anyone start giving back? Diane leaves in a rage, and Roy sighs and sinks down under the water.

* * *

Bradley is kneeling on the floor, scraping off congealed protein shake, as Roy enters.

"I thought you asked Olivier to clean up after herself?" He asks.

"Olivier got a note from the school nurse claiming that her lupus made it impossible to bend over a bucket of suds. I've been here till 10:00 pm every night up to my elbows in Vamoose!"

"Any problem with me taking over one of those nighttime janitorial slots?" Bradley sighs and shakes his head.

"I'll work at half salary." Bradley looks up and smiles.

* * *

Elle and a group of other Cheerios are sitting at a long table on one side of the room. Winry is sitting alone opposite them. Elle strikes a gavel against a sound board three times.

"The Celibacy Club is now in session. Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let anyone join the club, we're welcoming a new member this week- Winry What's-her-name."

"Where are all the boys?" Winry asks.

"Down the hall. First half hour we separate, then we come together to share our faith."

In another classroom a group of football players and other boys are spread around the room. Ed is sitting on a desk, tossing a football into the air.

(Edward voice over: I'm still on the fence about the Celibacy Club. I mean, I only joined to get into Elle Armstrong's pants. Still, it is a productive way for us guys to get together and talk about sexual issues.) An awkward boy named Jake begins to speak.

"I think I'm gonna kill myself. I'm serious. We're bombarded with sexual imagery every day- Beer ads, those short skirts. I'm supposed to be surrounded by temptation- Not be able to do anything about it?" Cain laughs

"Are you kidding? Those skirts are crunchy toast. Rose Thomas bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries."

Back in the girl's classroom. Rose twirls around at the center of the room, her Cheerios skirt flaring up to show her spanks.

"God bless the perv that invented these. Remember the power motto, girls." Elle says.

"It's all about the teasing, and not about the pleasing. Oh!" The girls laugh, and begin to dance in place. Winry appears annoyed by their behavior.

In the boy's room a jock comes up to Ed.

"So, how far does Elle let you get anyway?"

"We grind, make out." He smirks.

"But how do you keep from arriving early? Whenever I grind- Cinco de Mayo." Jake nervously states. Ed just chuckles.

"It's not a problem for me, man." Ed and Cain high five.

(Edward voice over: Actually, it's a big problem. Somebody once told me that to keep from erupting too early, you should think of dead kittens and stuff. But the only image that works for me happened the day my dad took me out to practice for my driver's permit.)

(Flashback)

Edward is driving with his Father, Van, in the passenger seat.

"Pretty good, son."

"Driving's fun." Ed smiles

"Yeah." The car slams into a mailman, whose body rolls onto the hood of the car and into the windshield. Ed and Van began freaking out.

"Oh, my God!" Ed screams, "Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my God, I killed him. What am I gonna do?"

(Flashback Over)

All Celibacy Club members have moved into the same room. They are paired off, one boy and one girl, with a balloon for each pair.

"Let's pair up for the "Immaculate Affection."" Elle says. "Now, remember. If the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry."Elle steps over to Ed, smiling and placing the balloon between their pelvises. Winry glances at Ed and reluctantly moves closer to Jake, who scoots over excitedly and places his arms on her shoulders.

"You enchant me." He snorts

"Yeah!" Cain cheers as he grinds into the balloon between him and Rose, who struggles to pull away.

"Stop it!" She yells.

"Take it. Ah, yeah!" The balloon between Ed and Elle pops.

"Edward!"

"It must have hit my zipper." He backs up a bit. Wirny breaks away from Jake and addresses the room.

"You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for."

"Don't you dare mention the "C" word." Elle demands.

"You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know?" Winry asks, "Girls want sex just as much as guys do." She then proceeds to storm out of the room.

"I- Is that accurate?" Jake asks.

* * *

Roy is dressed in his janitor uniform, and is scraping gum from the bottom of a desk. Riza walks by the classroom and spots him.

"Roy?" Roy turns in surprise and bumps his head against the desk.

"Aaah! Riza- What are you doing here so late?"

"I do S.A.T. prep on Tuesday nights. Are you, um- Are you a janitor?"

"A jan- no."

"Really? 'Cause you're dressed like a janitor, and your shirt says 'Roy.'"

"Um, Diane and I are trying to buy a house and we're, you know, struggling to make ends meet, and-" he sighs, "I'm really embarrassed. Would you mind keeping this between us?"

"Yeah. Oh, yeah, your secret's completely safe with me."

"Thank you."

"Do you, um- Do you want a hand?"

"Oh- No. I-I'm good, really."

"Really? Because I can see from here that you've used window cleaner to mop the floor. And, uh, that keyboard is crawling in E. coli because I know for a fact Ms. Hoffmeyer doesn't wash her hands after doing number twos." Roy just stares at her for a second. About an hour later Riza is scrubbing the pencil sharpener while Roy dusts a hanging solar system.

"I really admire you working so hard for something you want." Riza starts.

"Let's make a deal. You're helping me with my problem. How bout I take a stab at one of yours?"

"Oh, no, I don't- I don't have a problem."

"You've been scrubbing that pencil sharpener for an hour."

"Well, I mean, I have- I have a little trouble with messes, but it's not like it's a problem." Roy sits down on a desk and smiles at Riza knowingly. Riza sighs and relents.

"Okay. When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And when I was eight, we finally visited one and after the tour and the yogurt tasting my- my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon."

"What?"

"And, um, ever since then, I've just- I've had a little trouble forgetting the, uh- the smell."

"Have you thought about- I don't know- maybe seeing someone about that?"

"Oh, no. It's completely manageable. You know, I just- I take lots of showers and I, um- You know, I don't eat dairy. So it's-"

"I want to try a little experiment." Roy gets up and walks over to the chalkboard, collecting some chalk dust from the ledge with the tip of his finger.

"Oh, no. No, I'm not really, um, comfortable with- with that." Roy touches his finger to Riza's nose, leaving behind a smudge of dust. They stare into each others eyes. After a moment, Roy removes the dust with the back of his forearm.

"There. Ten seconds."

"New record. It's late. I should, um- I should be, um, going." Riza walks past him towards the door. Leon watches the exchange through the window of the classroom.

* * *

Winry stands before the glee club, who are gathered in the stands. She taps her gavel to a sound board.

"I officially call this meeting of Glee Club in session." She says.

"But Mr. Mustang isn't here." Ling states.

"Mr. Mustang isn't coming. I paid a freshman to ask him for help with irregular verbs."

"Ugh!" Panninya moans, "I'm so sick of hearing you squawk, Eva Perón."

"Let her talk." Ed interjects. He then smiles and nods at Winry in encouragement."

"I have another idea for the assembly."

"Can I, once again, stress my most strenuous objections to this attempted suicide?" Ling says.

"They're not gonna kill us." Winry begins, "Because we're gonna give them what they want."

"Blood?" Alphonse asks.

"Better, sex."

* * *

In the gym the entire student body is sitting in the stands. Bradley is standing at a microphone in front of the stage. Roy is sitting in a chair to his side.

"Silence, children. Silence." Bradley calls out, "First, an announcement. The toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem. But let me warn you. There will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We're not going to have a repeat of the last time. We have a treat for you guys today. Mr. Mustang." Riza claps her hands as Roy comes on stage.

"Yay, Glee! Glee kids, hooray!" Roy steps up to the microphone.

"Uh, hi. Uh, when I went to school here, Glee Club ruled this place. And we're on our way back. But we need some recruits to join the party. Now, I can tell you all about how great Glee is, but, uh, I think I'm gonna let some friends of mine show you instead." Roy sits down in the stands. The Glee Club begins their performance.

(Push It - Salt 'n' Pepa)

All:  _Get up on this,_

[The glee kids all begin dancing in a lewd and suggestive way as they sing alnog to 'Push it']

Girls:  _Get up on this, Ooh, baby, baby, ba-baby, baby, ooh, baby, baby, ba-baby, baby. Get up on this._

Boys:  _Ahh, Push it._

Panninya:  _Hey!_

Girls:  _Get up on this_

Boys:  _Ah Push it._

Winry:  _Sa, sa, sa, sa, sa Salt and Pepa's here._

Girls:  _Get up on this._

Ling:  _Now, wait a minute, y'all. Now, this dance ain't for e'rybody. Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers get on out there and dance, dance, I said, Holla!_

Winry:  _Sa-Salt and Pepa's here, and we're in effect, want you to push it, babe coolin' by day, then at night workin' up a sweat, come on, girls let's go show the guys that we know how to become number one in a hot party show._

Girls:  _Now push it._

Boys:  _Ah push it_

All:  _Push it good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

All:  _Push it real good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

All:  _Push it good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

All:  _Puh-push it real good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

Girls:  _Get up on this._

Panninya:  _Hey!_

Girls:  _Get up on this._

Edward:  _Yo, baby pop, yeah, you, come here, give me a kiss. Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed. Can you hear the music pumpin' hard, like I wish you would? Now push it._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

All:  _Push it good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

All:  _Push it real good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

All:  _Push it good._

Boys:  _Ah push it_

All:  _Puh-push it real good._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

Girls:  _Get up on this._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

Girls:  _Get up on this._

Panninya:  _Ow!_

Ling:  _Holla!_

Girls:  _Get up on this._

Boys:  _Ah push it._

Panninya:  _Hey!_

All:  _Aahh Push it!_

The performance comes to an end, and after a moment of silence, Jake springs up out of his seat.

"Yes!" He squeals. the students erupt into cheers, with the exception of the Cheerios.

* * *

Roy and Olivier are sitting before Bradley's desk. No one speaks.

"Let me be the one to break the silence." Olivier speaks, "That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."

"We've received angry e-mails from a number of concerned parents, many of whom thought that their children were going to hear a Special Olympian speak about overcoming adversity." Bradley says.

"I- I really don't know what to say." Roy sighs.

"Well, let me help you out then." Olivier begins, "My first thought was that your students should be put into foster care. But you're the one that should be punished. I demand your resignation from this school as well as the disbanding of Glee Club."

"Now, hold on, Olivier." Bradley starts, "The issue is content. Those kids are talented. And I have not seen the student body this excited since Tiffany performed at the North Hills Mall. I took the liberty of calling my pastor to provide a list of family-friendly songs that reflect our community's values. Your kids can only perform these preapproved musical selections."Bradley hands Roy the list.

"But, all of these songs have either "Jesus" or "balloons" in the title." Roy looks up at Bradley, who smiles.

"But there are also songs about the circus. This egg is sunny-side up, Will. You need new outfits. I got several flashes of panty from your group today, and I'm not talking about the girls. So, Olivier, I'm cutting your dry-cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for the Glee Club."

"This will not stand." She snaps.

"Oh, Olivier. The dry-cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe."

Winry is standing just outside of Bradley's office, her head resting dejectedly against the wall. She turns as Olivier, making an "I'm watching you" gesture, passes by. Roy comes out.

"Mr. Mustang, I'm so sorry." She begins.

"Do you understand what you did today? You lied to me. And you ruined our chances. No parent in their right mind is gonna let their kid join Glee now. Oh, and, uh, here's a list of the songs that we're allowed to sing." He hands Winry the list, and she looks it over.

"What's a 'Luftballon'?" She asks.

"Look, I know how much you care about Glee Club and I understand why you did what you did, but I don't like the way you did it." Roy heads down the hallway, leaving behind a saddened Winry.

* * *

In the teacher's lounge Riza is eating her lunch at a table by herself, being careful to clean her grapes before popping them into her mouth. Leon drops a pair of tickets on the table in front of her.

"They're for Tulip-A-Looza." He starts, "It's a tulip festival down at the Columbus Convention Center. It's supposed to smell pretty nice."

"That's really sweet of you, Leon, but I have…a-asthma."

"What are you doing? Chasing a married guy. I saw you playing house with him after hours, Riza. Look. I don't know a lot about relationships. Most of mine are short and flame out once the sex goes, but I do know you never want to be the rebounder. I'm a good man, Riza. I'll treat you right. I'll put up with all your crazy. They can't fire me 'cause I'm a minority, so I'll always be able to provide for you. You could do a lot worse and in this town, you're not gonna do much better. Okay, I'm done talking now." And with that Leon walks out of the room.

* * *

Edward and Winry are on stage in the auditorium. Winry sits at the piano, tapping a high note.

"Try it." She smiles.

"La." Ed sings out.

"Good."

"That was good."

"Okay, one more up."

"La."

"That was really good."

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's like the holy grail for a baritenor, so it's a good note. All right, I'll start at the bottom, and then we'll go up higher."

"Can we take a break? Singing kind of makes me a little hungry."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Lucky I prepared for that." Winry gestures toward the elaborate picnic area set up on the floor of the stage.

"Wow. I was wondering what that was all about."

"Want to sit?" Winry asks.

"Yeah, yeah. Absolutely."

"I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly."

"Well, this is my only chance to be, you know, good like you."

"You think I'm good?"

"Well, when I first joined, I thought you were kind of insane. You talk a lot more than you should, and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there. But then I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me. Right here." Ed places his left hand over his chest. Winry smiles and moves his hand to the opposite side.

"Your heart's on the other side of your chest."

"Oh. It's beating really hard... You're cool, Winry."

"Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah." Winry reaches for a thermos and prepares their drinks.

"Virgin Cosmos."

"Cool. That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club- That was really cool." He said accepting a cup from Winry.

"Thanks, Well, cheers."

"Cheers. Cups are like the airplane cups. Oh, you got a little Cosmo right-" Edward reaches out and wipes his thumb slowly across Winry's upper lip.

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to."

"I want to." Ed whispers. Winsry lays down onto the pillows as Ed moves over her. Their lips meet briefly at first, then they both melt into the kiss. For a minute Ed feels fine, in fact he feels amazing, but as it quickly heats up he feels the heat moving downwards. Ed pulls away, panicking. He imagines the mailman crashing into the windshield of his car, and he awkwardly tears himself away from Winry and stands up.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" Winry quickly asks.

"No, no. Um, I just gotta go. Look, please don't tell anybody about this, okay?" Edward rushes out, and Winry, feeling rejected, places her head in her hands.

* * *

Diane is lying in an examination chair at the doctors office. The doctor squirts gel onto her stomach and begins the ultrasound.

"I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. So, I want you to run any and all tests you have." She says.

"Trust me. You're clear." The doctor sets the ultrasound equipment aside and sits down.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Um- Don't quite know how to put this. There's no baby." Diane frantically sits up.

"Did it fall out?" The doctor laughs.

"Uh, no. Uh, you're not pregnant."

"But I've gained ten pounds."

"It's probably from eating. I can see a chicken wing in there that you must have swallowed whole. You're having what's called a hysterical pregnancy. You want a baby so badly that your body mimics the symptoms. If you're meant to get pregnant, it'll happen."

* * *

Roy is sitting by the piano with a CD player next him. Elle, Rose, and Lily stand before him.

"I have to say, I'm really surprised you guys are trying out." Roy says

"I'm sure you've read about this in the school paper. Edward and I have been an item for a while now. So what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support him?" Elle smiled.

"Well, let's see what you've got." Roy pressed the play button on the radio.

(I Say A Little Prayer - Dionna Warwick)

Rose & Lily:  _Say a little prayer for you_

Elle:  _The moment I wake up, before I put on my makeup._

Rose & Lily:  _Make up._

Elle:  _I say a little-_

Rose & Lily:  _Prayer for you._

Elle:  _While combing my hair now, and wonderin' what dress to wear now._

Rose & Lily:  _Wear now._

Elle:  _I say a little-_

Rose & Lily:  _Prayer for you._

All:  _Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart, and I will love you. Forever and ever We never will part, oh, how I love you. Together, together, that's how it must be, to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me._

* * *

Elle, Rose, and Lily are sitting in front of Olivier's desk.

"Let me get this straight. You're joining Glee Club?" Olivier asks.

"I'm sorry, sis, but something is going on between Ed and that thing. You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes. Please don't kick us off the Cheerios." Olivier snaps her fingers.

"Cease fire on the waterworks. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to see it. You know, Elle, you are whinny, selfish, and childish, and I have to say I never saw much of me in you, but it wasn't until this very moment I saw how alike we really are. You three are going to be my spies. I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within." Rose and Lily high five behind Elle.

"And I'm gonna get my boyfriend back." Elle smiles.

"I don't care so much about that." Olivier states.

* * *

Riza is scrubbing the mouthpiece of a drinking fountain with a toothbrush. Roy approaches her with a small packet in his hand.

"Hey, Riza. Guess what. I found these new disinfecting bleach wipes. What do you say? Boy's bathroom in the science wing? 9:00?"

"Roy, what are we doing? I mean, you're having a baby... Um, and anyway, uh- I have a date."

"Oh, that's great."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. With who?"

"I'm gonna go to Tulip-A-Looza. With Leon" Riza nods to Roy before stepping around him and walking down the hall.

* * *

Roy steps through the door of his apartment in his janitor uniform. Diane is standing by the dining room table with a lighter in her hand. She lights a candle on the table.

"There's my man. Bringing home the bacon."

"You- You made dinner. I thought you'd be asleep."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about something, so I made you chicken pot pie- from scratch." They both sit down.

"Diane, that's so thoughtful. I- Yeah, you know, I've been working so hard lately, some- sometimes I forget what I'm doing it for. Family's what's important to me. You and the little guy or gal on the way. I hope you know that."

"Yeah.

"I'm sorry. What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I went to the baby doctor today."

"And?" Roy looks at her with anticipation. Diane imediatley becomes uncomfortable, and conflivted.

"And…it's a boy." Roy gets out of his seat and hugs Diane.

"Oh, my God. Diane, that's amazing."

"Yeah."

"Oh, my God. Oh!"

"Uh, I want you to give up being a janitor."

"What?"

"Yeah. We don't need a new house. We'll turn my craft room into a nursery. It's a compromise that I want to make."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You know, the only project I want to work on now is us." Roy smiles and kisses Diane.

"I love you so much."

* * *

Winry and Roy are standing in the choir room alone. Winry looks at him despondently.

"You're giving Elle Armstrong the solo? That's my solo."

"You made this happen, Winry. You were the one who wanted to sell sex at the assembly. Elle's audition song was on Bradley's approved list and, frankly, she did a heck of a job singing it."

"You're punishing me."

"Contrary to your beliefs, it's not all about you. Or, I've realized, about me. Look, I screwed up too. I'm as responsible for what you did at the assembly as you are. I should never have pushed disco so hard. When we did it back in '93, the disco revival was in its heyday. It was cool. We had fun. And that- That is what Glee is supposed to be about. If we're gonna succeed, we both need to change our mindsets. You're not always gonna be the star. But I promise to do my best to make sure you're always having fun. This is a good thing, Winry. We're on our way." Roy gathers his things and walks to the door.

"Can I use the auditorium later to practice? Our neighbors are filing a lawsuit."

"Sure."

* * *

(Take A Bow - Rihanna)

[Winry begin to sing with Panninya and Lanfan as back up in the auditorium. Winry is shown singing into her hairbrush in her room. The scene changes to Winry watching Elle and Ed laugh together in the hallway. These three locations cycle throughout the song.]

Winry:  _You look so dumb right now. Standing outside my house. Trying to apologize, you're so ugly when you cry, please just cut it out. And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not, baby, when I know you're only sorry you got caught. But you put on quite a show. Really had me going. Now it's time to go. Curtain's finally closing. That was quite a show, very entertaining. But it's over now. Go on and take a bow. Oh, and the award for the best liar goes to you. For making me believe that you could be faithful to me, let's hear your speech. Oh! Well, you put on quite a show, really had me going. Now it's time to go. Curtain's finally closing. That was quite a show, very entertaining. But it's over now. Go on and take a bow, but it's over now._

END


End file.
